I recently met a guy. A guy that I was really into. I had seen him before several times but never had the courage to talk to him until my friend did it for me and we started talking. At first it was great but I soon realized that he wasn't someone I would want in my life. I guess it was because it had been a while since I had been in a relationship that it made me feel wanted and pretty and I didn't want to lose that feeling. The feeling of someone actually wanting to be with me. I was a virgin at the time and I was always honest with him about it. I soon knew his real intentions. He wasn't the guy I wanted but I didn't want to stop talking to him because he was the first guy in a while that I had talked to and so I lost my virginity to him, unexpectly. I was getting attached to him and somehow he figure it out. He told me that I "needed to chill" with the whole catching feelings I didn't know what to do. I told him that I didn't feel anything for him but I was confuse. Things started to change between me and him, I could feel it. Next he told me that he just didn't want to talk to me.  My thoughts were running through my mind 100mph. It was hard, very hard. I cried myself to sleep that night promising that the next morning I would move on, forget about him. But how? How could I just move on when he was my first time? I had save it all this time, 20 years, for a reason. I told myself that i had no feelings for him and I truly believe that I don't. I proceed to forget him without looking back. Just close that chapter in my life. But he made it difficult when several days later after I had decided to move on he sends me a text. A simple text that made me remember everything I had thrown in the back of my head a few days earlier. All it said was that he just wanted to "fuck me not talk to me" and that destroyed me. But I made myself strong and laughed it off. I knew he wanted me for just the sex and somehow I felt like I had some power over him. I agree to keep seeing him for sex. I know I'm so stupid and I feel so guilty and dirty for agreeing but the sex is good and who says I can't have some fun? It'll all go back to him some day and he's definitely not worth crying over. I learned my lesson because it was a lesson well taught.