TMI...but I'm in so much pain
I gave birth 4 months ago and I had a really hard time delivering my baby girl. She was almost 10lbs and there was complications and I had to push so hard I thought I was going to die. I didn't have an epidural. Anyway...I pushed so hard my anus split and then I was extremely constipated after. My first bowel movement was the second most painful thing I've been through despite taking stool softeners and drinking tons of water. It bled a ton and hurt so bad I couldn't sit or walk and I was in tears for hours after. I'm now 4 months pp and still struggling. Every single time I go to the bathroom is hell. I bleed every time. Sometimes a little and sometimes so much it worries me. It's not healing because every time I have a bowel movement it rips open again. I'm exclusively breastfeeding so I can't live on stool softeners. I eat tons of apples and drink lots of water, I'm not constipated but I still rip every time I go. I dread going to the bathroom every day. I'm in so much pain. What should I do? Should I see a doctor? I'm so embarrassed to say hey can you take a look at my butthole? What can they even do for that? Any advice is appreciated, thanks.
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