Worried after ectopic

Hi im 25 iv been pregnant twice, once when i was 17 i had a silent miscarriage. In december last year i found out i was 12 weeks pregnant when I visited the doctor with stomach pains. I was so pleased iv been with my partner for 5 years. He works full time. I'm working part time due to my back problems but i/we felt we was ready to bring a child into our lives. A week passed (i was on my period when i visit the doctors) and my period stayed it got a little lighter but i was concerned. I rang my doctor who said he would get me a scan booked at the hospital asap. I had my appointment 2days later.. Terrified i was having a miscarriage... i went in to the room and nervously held my partner's hand to see maybe a little bundle of joy on the monitor. A few seconds passed and the nurses were quiet she then said she could not see anything she looked further and looked at me with that look and i knew. I had an ectopic pregnancy i found out i was actually 16 weeks gone.. My little baby got stuck in my right fallhappened be.. The baby was about to burst its sack and i had to be rushed to surgery straight away to ensure i wouldn't get poisoned. A few hours i woke up they had taken my baby out and had to take my right tube out as it was ruptured. I was told my left tube has a blockage slightly too. I was also informed that i would be having a c-section if i made it full term. Anyway i had a really rough couple of months... In February 2016 i took a big overdose on tablets.. I was in hospital for 3 days i couldn't cope no more all i wanted was a child of my own.. I damaged my liver and kidneys due to the overdose. For weeks id sit indoors thinking how quick it all happened how i may never been able to have a child or give birth naturally.. I started drinking alot of vodka i had my sertraline increased from 50mg to 100mg. Iv been on antidepressants since I was 16 years old for various other reasons. Im now on the mend and i am seeing a counsellor on a regular basis. Basically now that all this has happened i am now scared to get pregnant again. The last 6months i lost myself and i do still feel hurt sour angry and all different emotions combined. I don't know if ill ever get through this. Iv been strong my whole life and now im weak. I hate how my life is right now and im hoping someone will comment and been through similar stuff and help me with tips to take the pain away. Iv only ever said this in my head me and my thoughts. I do think im going crazy sometimes. Any info would be great... I hope im not alone and sorry for rambling... Lol! I needed to get that out there. Haha. :)