Should i expect my in law to accept MY son?

Question

Is it wrong for me to expect my in-laws to accept and treat my child from a previous relationship as their own? I have always had problems with them. Ive been with my fiance 4 years, we have a baby together (and another one one the way, shhhh he doesnt know yet ?), and we both have a child from previous relationships. He doesnt see his cuz she stays in another state but mine is with me. I tell him that i have a problem with his family not inviting my son to little kids parties, family trips, and when they come over they barely speak to him or give him one worded answers (yes, no, im fine). My son actually came up to me and asked if my fiance's family likes him. ? it really hurt me that my son noticed thedifference on how they treat him. I dont think it should be like that. I talked to my fiancé about it and he says "of course theyre not going to treat him like family, he's not their family". If we didnt have children together i would have been gone but i cant just get up and leave. I decided that i am going to TRY and keep both my children away from them. I know its going to be hard because my fiancé is really close to his family. I mean they can tell him to jump off a roof amd worship the devil and he would do it. He has no backbone when it comes to them. Am i wrong for deciding this? And his family isnt the type i can have a talk with about this. Like i said, we really dont mix well.

Answer

Oh my gosh I couldn't even finish reading, I stopped at they don't invite him to birthday parties and such. Excuse me for being very rude but what the hell is wrong with his family? That little child has done absolutely nothing to deserve not being excepted into a family!! I am honestly speechless to say the least. I am going to lift you and your new family up in prayer right after I post this!

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Wow that is really disrespectful of them. And I cannot believe that your other half even said that to you! Would your family accept his child if they lived with you and not in another state?

I think if the shoe was on the other foot he would be able to understand how you are feeling. I for one would of gone mad at his comment & maybe next time his family come over I would take myself and my child out for the day - they would soon miss you guys. The sooner your fiancé realises you are his family as well and not just then then the better xx they are being very mean! Hugs xx

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Wow! They should accept your son! I grew up with a step mom and her family never treated me any different than my step mom's kids. The saying in our house was and still is " there are no steps in this family". I now have 2 step kids and my family treats them like they are blood. My dad even told my step son that there are no steps in our family (like I said, it was our family's moto). To treat children different because they are not your "blood" is horrible!

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This is so horrible of them. Honestly, if they can't treat this poor innocent child the right way then you need to stay away from them. Your child should never be made to feel less than a sibling. They need to get with the program. You should have a talk with them and if they can't involve this child then they shouldn't be involved with any of the kids. As a parent it would infuriate me. My sister had the same situation with her son and she demanded that they treat him the same as his half sister and they came around. I can tell you that my nephew was hurt by that initially and now at 16 he still remembers that.

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No I think that if they can't accept your son then they don't need to be around both children. I get that he is not from you and your fiancée but together but he is still your son and part of accepting you is accepting him as well. The children should not be treated differently just because of the difference in a set of parents. Your husband should definitely speak to his family about that because he wouldn't appreciate it if the shoe was on the other foot.

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I'd flip the F out if my fiance's family didn't accept my son as their own family! 
And of course I cried when you wrote that your son noticed them singling him out in a way. If you've been with your man long enough they should accept the kid as their own, or at least not make it obvious to where a child knows something's up. Fake smiles while your kid is around or SOMETHING!  I hope your man can explain to them it's not only causing you stress, but your son's as well. I have no advice for you, but I want to wish you luck on this.

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Have you tried talking to them about how you feel?

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I mean you can't really just expect them to, it's not exactly their obligation, BUT since you all do have a child together that is their family and they should respect your fiance enough to at least make an effort to accept him.

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Wow well my in laws will be the same they hate the fact that me and my oh wanna have a baby it's actually sad and it's very unfair for them to treat your son like that how childish

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That is absolutely horrible!! I have a child from a previous relationship and then my husband and I have one together. My inlaws consider my son who isn't their grandchild by blood their grandchild none the less and have even before my husband and I were married. My son is 5 now and was 2 when my husband and I started dating. Aiden has known them as papa and grandma pretty much from day 1 and was his choice to call them that. They treat both my children equally, and love them just the same. Idk what I would do if I was in your position, your poor son. I agree witho u if they can't treat your kids the same and equally then they shouldn't be allowed to see them until they do. He's a part of you and if your part of that family then he should automatically be apart of the family and be treated as such. Broke my heart reading this.