I want to be pregnant

For the past 2-3 weeks I have been subconsciously trying to conceive. I'm 20 years old and honestly I just realized it and I'm ashamed. My man has a 2 year old that I adore but whenever they leave, I feel alone. So I unknowingly have been trying to get pregnant. I recently had to spend Thanksgiving alone and it was the most depressing thing I have ever been through. I was actually hoping to be pregnant then because then I wasn't so alone. I know I probably sound crazy but I'm just venting. My baby would have loved me forever and I wouldn't have to be alone anymore.