My son was a rainbow baby.  He was conceived right after my first miscarriage.  My mom has asked me if I ever wonder about my first baby.  I told her "No, because I wouldn't have my son."  That wasn't entirely true because I had wondered about that baby many times.  After my next two miscarriages I felt an intense amount of guilt about ttc after to the point I cried during sex at one point.  I felt like the babies I lost would be watching and hurt that I forgot about them.  I still haven't had a successful pregnancy since my son.  Has anyone else felt this guilt about ttc or being pregnant after a loss?