We've been together 4&1/2 years. In the beginning we had a lot of fun together, and he was sweet to me and he bought me nice things and took me on dates and said he loved me and held my hand.. he stopped doing all of that by the second year. Now we're both really unhappy with one another. I don't know what to do. We've been together so long, and I have depression and anxiety and I stopped taking my medicine about a year ago. That made everything worse and this year and last has really been a living hell for me, for a lot of reasons, but him being in my life hasn't made it easier.

I've never really worked and i'm not able to support myself, and I was depending on him to help me through school. We planned a future together. But now I just don't know. I feel like I can see nothing but faults from him. He's insensitive to me, and he has a temper. He doesn't consider how I feel. He's very spoiled and he wants me to do all of his laundry and make him his lunch for work, which I get, because I don't do anything, but I still relish doing it.. He wants to have sex a lot and I don't. It's not rape, because I tell him it's okay, but I still don't want to a lot and end up crying afterwards.

I feel like he just can't support me the way that I need.

And i'm so so fucking scared. We were each other's first. We don't believe in divorce or being with a lot of different people. I feel like in order for me to get better and be happier, I need him to leave. But where would that leave me? Depressed, jobless, broke, probably living at my parent's house hating my life even more than I do now. What if I leave him and it's a huge mistake and I can't get him back? I don't want to have to leave. I want everything to be happy and okay again. I don't love him anymore and the spark is long gone but I want it back..

We have a lot in common. We agree on a lot of issues, but then on some we have very different views. He's very selfless towards me when it comes to money. He's provided shelter and food for me and clothes and makeup and pretty much anything i've wanted for 4 years. I can't help but think that any man could buy me things, but not every man could love me right..

I know you eventually lose the spark in every relationship, and you have to work to get it back. I just don't know how or if I should even try.

He feels unappreciated and like i'm not spending enough time with him and like i'm not giving him enough attention, but with how bad my depression is it's really hard. I don't want to do anything, let alone touch him and cuddle him and spend time with him. I honestly can't even say that I love him anymore, and I find myself thinking that I hate him a lot..

I don't like his family, and they don't like me a whole awful lot. He doesn't like PDA and he won't kiss me or hug me or hold my hand in public or in front of anyone, including my family or his. It really hurts my feelings and i've told him this, but he says it's not me, it's him. And then everybody gets cute instagram and facebook posts from their SO, about how wonderful they are and how much they love them. I don't even get texts.

And he's kind of lazy. He doesn't get a whole lot done when I really need him too. He can be slow. He blames it on his job, because he works usually 60-80 hours a week.

He used to be really active and he used to work out a lot. He wants to switch careers and I wanted to help him so that we could have a better life together. We want the same goals in life. That's something, isn't it?

I feel like he really doesn't care about my health though.. but when things get stressful he can't deal with me being the way that I am. I understand that, because i'm the same way towards him.

When we're good together, we're really good. We make each other laugh and we like the same things. It's just that we're never both happy anymore.

Am I just being a spoiled brat?

I feel like I should try to stick it out a little longer, maybe get a job first before I try to leave. I can't see things get any better in the meantime though. And I don't know how i'd manage by myself. I don't even have a car right now. He pays my phone bill. What if I don't have a job for months? My family isn't well off so they really can't afford to take care of me long or even short term..

I've tried talking to him about this so many times, but every time I try he gets manipulative and says that if I don't want him around then he's going to leave. I feel like once he left i'd die though. Even if we're not in a good place, he's my best friend. I really don't have anybody else.

Morning sex . . .

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