When Lemonade Won't Do
Hi beautiful ladies (and the occasional gent)!
Do you want to hear a juicy story, full of betrayal and tears and broken trust? It starts with a man and a woman getting married in 2014. Feel free to put on a playlist of woeful breakup songs while you read; I suggest a good start is "Unfaithful" by Rihanna, and "It Wasn't Me" by Shaggy-- wait. Wait a minute...
BACK TO THE BETRAYAL! The couple were together 4 years before their marriage and seemingly perfectly happy. They relocated a month after their wedding from the woman's hometown in IL, to Nashville TN where they had no friends or family, for the husband's job. The wife's depression deepened, and her bipolar mania spiked.
The wife and husband never saw each other. He worked days, she worked nights and weekends. When the wife returned home at 1am from the restaurant, the husband was asleep. When he left in the morning, she was asleep. Their 3 year old boy attended daycare and spent most of his time at home with his daddy.
The wife was so unhappy. She missed her husband, and all her friends and family back home. When she did see her husband, he was cranky and always wanted to have sex.
One day, the wife was approached by a man she worked with. He listened to her frustrations and took her out after work. She began to spend more time with him, and eventually began having sex with him.
Now, the average observer will view the woman as the villain, as they rightly should. She did love her husband, but she had already crossed the line with this man and was too ashamed to tell him and ask forgiveness. She started seeing other men, and making even worse decisions.
One day, the husband sat down with the wife and asked if she had anything to admit to him. He told her he loved her too much to let her disrespect herself and their marriage and if she just told him, he would forgive her and though his trust would have been broken, he wouldn't take it personally.
This is the part in the story where the woman is supposed to tearfully confess and delete the men's numbers and they live happily ever after! However, the wife lied to his face and said she had nothing to tell.
That night, the husband confronted her, in tears, with records of texts and photos from her phone. He knew, and he knew she'd lied.
They screamed and fought until 2 am, and in the morning he began calling divorce lawyers.
Now, THIS is the part where they go their separate ways and mourn the loss of their marriage. Right? Right? That dumb bitch got what she deserved, "if she'd loved him she wouldn't have cheated," "insert common Glow comment about how the man/woman was right to leave after finding out."
Thankfully, this is where I'm brave enough to take the narrative back to first person.
(Also, that woeful playlist? Change it! My first pick would be "Yes" by Musiq Soulchild)
My husband came to me a few days later- we hadn't spoken since the night of the fight. He came to me and told me that I was so loved. I deserved the world, he loved me and he didn't understand what he could have done differently. However, he said that for me to ever fix my behavior, I needed to begin to love myself, and him tossing me aside when I made horrible choices out of fear and loneliness would only continue to hurt me. He told me he needed us to start over from scratch and to let him love me how God loves me, unconditionally and forever.
He wasn't giving me his trust, by any means, but he WAS giving me a second chance. It's been a bit over a year. I got a new phone and refused to restore my original back up. I changed jobs to work hours that aligned with his. I voluntarily sent him my GPS location anytime i left the house. I invited my girl friends over to our house instead of going out. We both went back to church, attended marriage conferences, and found support networks. My small group at church knows it all and I let them hold me accountable when I'm struggling with my (clinically diagnosed) mania and depression.
Without losing the essence of who I was, I made a commitment to change so I could stay with my family. My husband and I have literally never been a stronger couple. I refuse to use my mental illness (bipolar) as a crutch any longer to justify my past fuckery (pun absolutely intended).
My husband had every chance to act strong and leave me. He probably could have found a woman who would never have thought to even look at another man, let alone sleep with one. But he showed courage and strength in working with me and praying for me and believing me to be the wonderful woman he married.
I don't believe every couple should be together and fix things. But I believe that even after there's infidelity, the first solution is a long-term otherwise healthy relationship should not be abandonment. Time to recover is necessary. It was months before he could hold me without crying (and he's NOT a cryer). But I guess I just had to share my story. I shared a bit about it last summer when I was in the midst of it, but my perspective now is one of redemption, and not of fear. If this helps one woman or man to try again, or at least stop before commenting something nasty on another Glow topic, then I'm happy!
Thank you reading this novel of a mess that is my life- gold stars for everyone!
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