child support help!!

okay, so I go to court on Friday for child support and joint custody settling with my 2.5 yo daughter's father. I know that generally, if child support isn't paid by court order then it's considered a gift by the courts and it doesn't count and I can retroactive child support. my daughter's father has paid me "child support" outside the courts but it's not consistent and the amount varies. I have her for the majority of the time and he's not the most helpful person and he even tried to claim her on his income taxes even after I told him not to and he knows I keep her majority of the year.