My husband puts his mother before me

My husband and I have a great relationship and the only time we argue is because of his mother. Our first year of dating everything was amazing. I got along with everyone in his family then someone in his family meddled in his parenting with is BM. He has a daughter and she's 11. This individual I felt very close to and this person and I should be understand of one another because they're an inlaw as well. However, they betrayed me and went back and told his mother everything I said. I didn't say anything bad. But I guess me stepping in as a step mother wasn't part of the grandmas plan and she treats me really Badly. Every time I bring it up to him he disregards it and tells me to be the bigger person but I didn't do anything. She's mad because I said I wanted to make her granddaughter more independent. I do! I don't see anything wrong with that. Her mother isn't doing shit for her so I wanted to be that influence. Now I'm pregnant with his child and his mother hasn't even acknowledged it. I'm so angry about this because I would defend his honor in a heartbeat if one of my family members tried to make him feel like an outsider or not apart. But he'd rather me in a sense be his mother bitch and let her continue to act like that towards me. I think he needs to experience what I go through. But my family loves him to death and they already know I turn into a pitbull if you fuck with my husband. I wish he'd do the same for me. I think he is scared of his mother. I'm so tired of this shit. I didn't ask for this.