I don't know what to do anymore 😭

I am 2 weeks PP. My son has been such a good baby but it seems like the last two days my whole life has just spiralled out of control...

It all started the day we brought him home from the hospital honestly. He began throwing up everything he was taking in. I called his doctor multiple times just to be told to stop worrying and that it was normal. Today at his two week check up he had only gained 4oz. To this his doctor tells me that if in two weeks he doesn't start gaining at least an oz a day then he will be admitted to the NICU and have a feeding tube placed because he is bordering on malnutrition. I keep beating myself up over listening to the doctor and not taking him in sooner and allowing it to get to this point. But then again he acts so happy and just looks tiny next to my two year old in general so how was I supposed to know he was so sick...

Then if that wasn't bad enough she also informs me that he needs to go see a pediatric urologist because the hole in his pee pee is underneath and not at the tip, which again I did not notice 😔. So he may need corrective surgery for that. Then just when I thought things couldn't get any worse and we get home and I am beating myself up inside for not noticing all this before, I get a phone call from his doctor... She informs me that my son's head circumference is growing at an alarming rate and that I have to bring him in ASAP for a CT Scan. So we leave the house and head back to the doctor. They do the scan, it was extremely quick, then tell me the doctor will call me in the next few days with the results. Well not even half way home my phone rings and my son's doctor is telling me that my son has a large tumor in the back of his head and that she has arranged for him to see a neonatal neurologist tomorrow and that they will discuss brain surgery with me...

After all of this I just feel so overwhelmed and can't help but blame myself for it all and for not noticing everything sooner. I am so mad at myself and so depressed that honestly I can't help but think of hurting myself for being such a horrible mother...

I honestly don't know what to do anymore 😭😭😭😭