Am I being too selfish?

Question

Little background first - my baby boy doesn't have kidneys and so my husband and I travelled from Houston to Cincinnati to participate in an experimental treatment that involves a surgery to put a catheter in the womb with a port at the end that they push fluid through three times a week to replace the amniotic fluid that isn't being made by his kidneys so hopefully his lungs develop right. And since that surgery almost 7 weeks ago I've been on bedrest and everything has been about the baby.

And I know it may be selfish of me but I want things to be about me again, even just a little bit. Like I feel like everyone only cares about how my baby is doing and not how I'm doing anymore. And I get it - he's really sick. But I haven't done one thing for myself since finding out 11 weeks ago and I would just like to do something for me again. But I'm stuck in bed. Should I just suck it up until baby comes? Am I being too selfish about all this?

Answer

While I think the feelings you are having are very normal, as a mom, I warn you that nothing will be about you anymore. I find that I leave the house and forget my own jacket some days because I'm so focused on my son. While you are frustrated now, I just want you to be prepared that it will only get to be more about the baby. You will be recovering from delivery, and no one who comes to your house cares about how you are feeling. They just want to see that baby!

Answer

You are not being selfish. You are being human with human needs. You have been going through a lot. You have been sacrificing a lot. I remember being put on bed rest with my first and feeling like I was going to lose it. While yes, the baby's health and well-being is a large priority, mama's well-being (emotionally and psychologically) is just as important. Please don't hesitate to share your feelings with your loved ones. You feel the way you feel, and there should be no shame in that. I recommend you work with somebody (whether a loved one or a nurse or another health professional) who can help you find ways, even if they're just small ones, to help you feel less insignificant (and like the special woman you are) in this whole ordeal.  Don't be afraid to advocate for yourself! You are not selfish, not if you can find a way to collaborate ways to do things that can make you feel like you (and that you matter) without having to compromise the baby. No shame in the game!

Answer

Its okay to feel like that! Its normal! Dont feel bad.

I will def talk with my husband what I feel and ask him to help me. Just remember we need to take care of ourselves  first, so we can take care of others.

Sending love to you, mama! ❤❤❤❤

Answer

It's fine to feel a little selfish. You aren't in the spotlight like with a normal pregnancy. And your loved ones should be concerned about how you are doing. Especially since it is your body being put threw this as well. But it is really all about baby right now. Life is already so fragile. He already has an issue. A big issue and he isn't even born yet. But once baby comes all that you have done will have been so worth it. You won't even remember feeling like this. Don't feel bad. No mama is perfect. And we all want to feel important as well.

Answer

Try to do resting things for yourself. I bought e-books or worked on hobbies. Take this time to relax, have someone rub your feet and paint your toenails!

Answer

I understand not feeling important but remember without you he wouldn't survive. You are the most important part of his life and to me that's pretty darn important. I also mention that after baby comes it's always about them. Is this your first baby? I had those same feelings after my first baby was born. I felt like I wasn't important and honestly resented him for a few weeks which sounds awful. But once you form that bond and see how amazing giving a new life is I promise you won't even care anymore. I'm now on my third baby and am ok with it being about baby and not me anymore. Hang in there mama. Praying for you and your sweet baby.

Am I being too selfish?

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