I have a problem, and it affects others around me.

I have depression and anxiety. As a result, I get very moody and I snap. I am always angry and i can't control how I feel before it happens. Then as a result, I feel bad and get more moody. And the cycle repeats. I am very against pills as I've already been on meds that have screwed me up and seen what they do to my family and friends. I have been trying a clean healthy lifestyle that has been getting better, but the littlest things bother me. What you you guys suggest for not dragging people into it? I've lost friends, boyfriends, my parents don't wanna deal with me, and my poor grandma puts up with more than she deserves. Any coping tips for not getting irritated/staying calm! Breathing does NOT work my brain makes me react before I have time to think