Sex & Relationships
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Urgent!!! Being forced to break up because my boyfriend is white!!!
Hey girls, I need some help.
So my parents finally expressed their extreme disapproval of me being someone who wants to pursue law, mainly because I dreamed of medical school for the longest time (until I got to college away from my parents and realized it really wasn't /my/ dream. you know what I mean?). They forced me back into medical against my own wishes, but that's not the worst part.
I'm a 19 (nearly 20) year old, South Asian female, and my boyfriend is 100% Caucasian. We've been dating for almost a year now. My parents found out about us in December 2015, but I was hoping to warm them up to the idea of me dating someone I was compatible with, and reminding them that color does not have to matter in partner selection. But I do admit, mistake number 1 was not telling them immediately because of fear, and you'll see why by the end of this.
The started blaming the whole thing on him. Why I changed plans (he was thrown completely off guard by this, and never uttered a word that made me want to change), why my grades have been bad (I've had a bad habit of not studying and procrastinating like crazy, and my boyfriend has tried to confront me about the issue, and it's a lot better! I started opening up about my assignments to him and half of the time he'll intervene and force me to study/quiz me on stuff, whether or not he knows significant info about the subject matter... my GPA even improved after we started figuring this out!), and why I lie (that I will have to agree on, but it's not him who tells me to lie... I just hid the relationship and created this mess). They're trying to say our cultures are like water and oil, that white people are racist (thanks Trump...), that he's using me (he's actually not... like the relationship is fairly neutral), and that they straight out won't accept a white person in the family (and then later said white people are close minded...). They say they're trying to do this for my own good, but they haven't bothered to listen to me at all (they won't let me talk) and that all of this is true. They also claim they want me to be independent, but they're trying to make my decisions for me and shelter me from the world by creating a distorted one of their own.
The worst part is that my mom says she's giving me a choice, but at the same time, she's saying that if I go behind her back, she's going to do something so bad, it's going to tear the family apart (she didn't specify and she won't). My parents know I'm really shy and care about my family, and so they've learned how to manipulate me...
I don't know what to do. My boyfriend and I staged a fake breakup, but we're still together trying to see what we can do to try and convince my parents otherwise. What do I do? Does this become a legal case? I don't want my parents to get into trouble though but I need to know what's going on and what I can do. Help?
EDIT AUG 11th: I sincerely want to thank you all so much for all the advice! I thought this post would get buried, but instead so many of you reached out and gave me some great advice. So far, there's no progress yet, but I might update this post if/when things change. :) again, thank you so much for taking the time to read this and for helping me through a tough time!