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Cheated and don't know how to move on

I've cheated on my husband 3x.

Here's the backstory.

We got married almost two years ago, after about 6 months he told me he didn't want to have sex with me because I wanted it too often and it was stressing him out. He also told me he preferred masturbating over me. I would take a shower and come out and see him masturbating to porn but when I try to join he'd say he wants to be alone.

He then told me to find a boyfriend to fuck. I didn't want to at first because we just got together. After like 2 more months of sadness and being turned down I decided to ask out an ex to be fwb, he agreed. We had sex once and I felt terrible and was not pleased at all so broke it off and told my husband how I felt. He said that it didn't matter I broke up with him because i " would have another guy under my arm in a week". I understand how he felt, he was upset but brushed it off.

The next guy was a guy I met trying to find a job, he owned a party company that I applied to waitress for this one huge event. The party never happened but his company seems to be doing well from what I see online. I only really enjoyed sex with him but also broke it off with him because, well I don't know why. Just didn't want him anymore.

Third guy I met on online and he really wanted to eat me so I let him. Was great but sex was was terrible. Broke that off.

I've told all this to my husband and we had a huge argument and he hit his finger on the sink and broke it. We had a long talk and he told me to get tested for everything before we had sex again.But he told me to so I didn't understand why he didn't just have sex with me. Got tested for everything and did follow up testing to be sure. Will go in 3 more months to be absolute.

This was 3 months ago and since then we have been way better with sex and communication, our household is more calm and it feels more like we are a team. He said he forgives me, I don't believe him. But I also can't believe I was such a stupid slut and gave myself away like that. He says I should forget about it but I can't. Sometimes I do, but lastnight he was rubbing my butt and I couldn't stop thinking about what I did and get mad at myself and depressed.

How can I move forward from this ?

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