Daddy, who are you really hurting?
Forgive me for another story, but it's on my heart today.
I haven't heard from you in two months. But that's pretty standard nowadays. Your profile picture is you and some rock band. I wonder how much those tickets cost you, how many boxes of diapers that ticket could've covered. It's been 6 months since you've sent any financial support for my son. I used to say 'our' but he's not really yours anymore is he? And you always apologize for not sending any financial help like 'sorry, the bills were high' or 'sorry I just moved and had to pay a deposit' or 'sorry I was sick so my check was a little short' as if these are valid reasons to not take care of a child's needs. I have high bills too. I'd love to move and can't afford it. I wish I could take sick days. But my son comes before me. And I know you promise all the time that you'll 'do better and send more money and be the father he deserves' but it's all just empty promises. And I used to get mad. So furious at you because you couldn't see just how precious my son is, and how much you are mistreating him. After months of you failing to live up to your words, I went from mad to just disappointed. Disgusted. What kind of man do you think you are when you don't even care for your child? Oh I know you say you do. That he's so precious to you. But your actions prove how much of a disappointment you are. But this last time... This last time you promised to send money and didn't, to skype with us and you didn't show... I didn't feel anything. And it hit me hard.... I'm not the one your shitty promises affect... It's my son. He's the one you're hurting by not being a father. He's the one you're hurting when you don't provide for his needs and I pick up shifts to cover your let downs. He's the one that suffers because you're not ready to let go of the parties and concerts and poor choices. He's the one that is affected by your lack of participation. You're hurting the being you claim to love by loving yourself more. It's not me you're hurting. Sure extra shifts wear me out, the babysitter needs to be paid more. Sure it would be nice if you did what you should be, but it's not changing the parent I am. It's not hurting my relationship with my son. It's hurting yours. So when you finally muster a visit in the next months or years or decades, because who really knows with you, and he calls my fiancée dad, he gets mad when you don't come to the games like you promised, when he doesn't want to visit you because you play video games all day instead of spending time with him, don't try to blame me for it. You're building it yourself. It's not hurting me. It's hurting my son.
And everyone knows if you hurt a mother's child, there is hell to pay.
So who are you really hurting by being a deadbeat waste of space, begging me to come back and take care of you?
It's not me.