Sick of waiting

So I'm sick of ttc. More then that I'm sick of waiting. I feel my whole month, month after month, is consumed with period is over when will I be fertile? Finally fertile yay lets bd. Look discharge n it fertile yay good sign. Bd every chance I can good chance this month! Now the longest two weeks of my life. I'm nautious! Bloated moody crying tired wierd feelings in my stomach, check! I'm 11dpo lets test. 😢😤BFN but it's still early so maybe it's too early. Day before af test bfn still early fingers crossed n hopeful just too early. Yellow discharge n more of it! Good sign. Af is a no show!!! This is it. Three days later af shows up. 😭. Drink my period away and then tell myself this month I'm not going to ttc just enjoy my month and if it happens it happens. Then it just starts over n i put myself thru same crap. I'm officially in my tww and already anxious n irritating myself. How do I just give up on something I want so bad? Sry just frustrated at ttc and wish I cud just b carefree and not care so much.