I am caught in a very difficult situation. My ex and I broke up 2 months ago. We still communicate that we love each other but we do not like each other. We have dated for 6 years but during a 6 month break, he impregnated another woman. I was distraught. The child is not born yet but I am still distraught. I did not believe that I would be able to emotionally handle him being the father of another child that does not belong to me. After months of trying to make it work and failing, we decided to call it off.

So here's my issue. I was intimate with a guy that I've known since high school. For about 9 years. We have been good friends and had intimate relationships in the past but nothing serious. Just sex. I was intimate with him one day after my ovulation phase. Sad to say that some of the sex was unprotected. I just removed my birth control last month and I have been having regular cycles towards the end of my 3 year stint. *nexplanon. Where it gets tricky is that my ex came to visit and have dinner with me 2 Days Later. We begin a very emotional conversation that ended in unprotected sex. I am now so very nervous as I have been on birth control for 10 years and this will be my first month off. I have not had any signs such as implantation bleeding or anything out of the ordinary. I am experiencing cramping because I have a complex cyst in my right ovary that I am Consulting with a surgeon to have removed. I am expecting my period and 6 days but I am so very nervous. I am hoping that it is too soon to conceive as I have had my very first month of birth control Free Living this month. Both times that I was intimate, they did not ejaculate in me. I'm not sure why I'm so nervous knowing how children are conceived but I just know that it would break my ex's heart (similar to the way he broke mine) to have another man's child. He still talks about me being the mother to his children and his wife. We have even spoke about co-parenting and not being in a relationship . We will make wonderful parents together . The friend that I am not serious with, I believe I may have speculated today that he is in a relationship. He may never tell me out of fear that he would lose me. I am positive that he's cheated in the past so I'm pretty sure that he would not inform me. I would have never allowed him to come over or even get intimate with him if I knew that he was in a relationship. This has not been confirmed but my intuition is telling me that he is. Not really looking for advice. Just a space to State my frustrations with myself this month. My nervousness is teaching me a lesson that I think I needed to be taught.

UPDATE: tested a bit early (about 4 days before expected period) and got a BFN! Lesson learned. Now waiting patiently on AF.