So this will be a lot to read and people will definitely judge me but I was told this is were I would get good advice and opinions from.

I'm gonna basically give you my life story so please read until the end and this 100% really happened , HI my name is Blair I am 16 and I just need someone to talk to about this. When I was 6 years old my mom's husband started raping me I didn't know it was bad back then. He told me never to tell anyone and I didnt because I thought I could trust him. He was supposed to be a father to me. My mom was pregnant with my sister at the time, she was born in june. The night before my 7th birthday my sister was cry( my birthday is two weeks after my sister Tina) and her father woke up from the couch and ran upstairs to flick her in the face and I started to cry I tried to cover my head with a pillow so he didn't hear me but it didn't work. He came into my room and asked why I was still awake and I said I couldn't sleep so he got in the bed with me (when I was younger I slept in shirts and underwear because he told me to) I won't go to deep into that. But I realized what he was doing was bad when I was 11 when my mom finally allowed me to go into a sex-ed class. I went home and told him I couldn't do that and I would tell my mom but he said she wouldn't believe me and she would get rid of me and I would never see my sister's again so I didn't tell her and the times when I almost told her she just seemed so happy with life so I turned the other way and let what happened happen it didn't stop until I turned 14. But I didn't just have problems at home I had them at school also. I was always being made fun of. I was fat and because my mom was white they said I was adopted and she probably just felt bad because i was an ugly baby so she picked me because she knew no one else would. But the worst year for me in elementary school was 4th grade when a group of kids made a sexual notebook about me and the guy I liked. They even had pictures. The group of kids gave it to the teacher and she read it out loud and showed every picture and I was embarrassed and cried all day because everyone thought I wrote it. Ever since that year I got picked on worse. I got a box of worms for valentine's day in 7 grade people pushed me and threw my stuff around in the halls. I tried telling all my teachers and my counselor but they never did anything when I got suspended at the end of 7th grade for slapping one of the girls bullying me they all said I never told them anything. The next year it got worse. But after that I moved. I tried to start fresh and hid from everyone I lost the great connection I had with my sister's and just put myself in anime and video games. I still took the blame when they did something which always ended up get me slapped around or choked but I promised to keep them safe for as long as I could even if it meant he would kill me. But the summer we moved (in june when I was 14) I lost everything... I got text from the people I called friends saying they only felt bad and was happy I left they even made me a card from my entire class. When I started highschool that year I tried to stay away from people and would wear headphones to block everyone out but this one guy wouldn't have that, he always tried to talk to me and always made me smile we were friends for a few months and then he asked me out on 12-14-14 obviously I said yes and I had my first kiss with him later that day. I didn't tell my mom because she would have told her husband who was always telling me even though I was going through a phase I would still be his but I ignored him and thought about James (my boyfriend ). A few days after he asked me out he tried to have sex with me I told him no I want it to be special because I loved him(I did not tell him about my mother's husband so he thought I was a virgin)

He always asked me when we were gonna have sex and I told him I wasn't sure I just wasn't ready he then would say that I didn't love him and we should just break up. But I begged him to just wait a while longer he agreed around two weeks after we started dating he showed me a picture of his ex and said he was still in love with her but he also cared about me and said that I was a lot bigger than her so I stopped eating. When he said he was in love with me that valentine's I told him I was ready and we had sex he broke up with me later that day. After that I found out I was pregnant and I didnt know what to do I waited a week after I found out to tell him and he begged me to get rid of it or he would take it from me because he's older and can get a job and how he didn't want to be with me and especially didn't want to have my baby. He then told his councilor and begged him to talk me to change my mind from keeping the baby I said I would think about what I wanted to do. That weekend my mom's husband started yelling at my sister and I got in the way so he beat me and kicked me out of the house and said he'd call me when I could come back but I decided I was going to run away I called a friend of mine and her mom picked me up and took me to the hospital and we found out I lost the baby the cops made me go home because the lady that took me to the hospital wasn't family . When my mom found out about the baby she told her husband and they both sat me down at our kitchen table and asked why I didn't tell them. I sat in silence they took my phone and everything away so i couldn't contact anyone then they allowed me to go to my room. About an hour later my mom came upstairs and tried to get me to sleep but I told her I couldn't because I was afraid for my life. She asked why and explained to her what her husband was doing to me before. She sat there in shock for awhile neither of us said a word then she got up and walked out my room. I honestly thought she was about to kill him but she came back to my room with a glass of water and told me to go to sleep. I missed a few days of school after that and her husband was still with us so I figured she didn't believe me. When I went to school the next week James pulled me in the bus seat with him hugged me and started crying. He asked why the hell I ran away and didn't tell him I was okay and said he was looking for me so I explained what happened with the baby and he just looked at me laid my head and his shoulder and told me "I wanted to have the baby blair and I'm so sorry I wasn't there for you" and before I knew it I was crying again. The next week I realized people giving me weird looks but I tried to ignore it I thought it was just my imagination from all the stress I was wrong James told all his friends that I got an abortion and he was depressed because he really wanted the baby so people started calling me baby killer and slut the only friend that new about my mom's husband made jokes to everyone about how I told her I enjoyed it. I found out that James ran off with his best friend girlfriend and he cheated on me with 7 other girls so I stopped talking to people. But my mom finally did something about her husband (she kicked him out.) For a while she blamed her self and wouldn't even eat and sometimes missed work. She didn't believe me until his lie detector test came back with horrible results. So she is still doing everything she can to move on. This last school year didn't really change... I was still called baby killer and got so depressed I was failing all my classes and I skipped school alot and lost all my friends except 1 which whom I am greatful to.

But I decided I was going to take online classes and dropped out of public school in the middle of the year. I got a job and I have a little more than $4,000 saved up. And I have a boyfriend that knows all of this and still wants to be with me and he knows ever since my miscarriage I've wanted to have a baby and he wants one too. My mind is made up on what I want. But sometimes I still wonder if the decision I'm making is to soon? I have plenty of space for a baby and I'm saving up a lot of money I'm taking online early college courses(I did graduate highschool 2 and a half years early with A's and B's) and I think I'm set. My friend thinks I'm making a mistake because of my age and I don't care about the other reasons. And yes I know what raising a child is like I raised both of my little sister's. But do you think because I've gone through all of this I might be a bad mother? I know what I want, I just wanna hear other opinions. I'm really sorry again because of how long this is.

Please don't be to harsh on me

Thank you for your answers

Blair