Over the course of my first year and a half of college, I had an extremely toxic on-again off-again relationship with a guy. During that time I had a very poor sense of self-worth and was facing a depression relapse. I knew he was very flaky and manipulative, exploitative, even mentally abusive. But I thought so little of myself that I figured this was the best I can do, better not break it off or else I'll be alone. So I let myself get caught in a really horrible cycle of being ignored, then used for sex, then being coddled romantically and treated well (or what I thought was well...not really), just to butter me up for more sex, only to be ignored again. It was horrible. Then last summer, something happened that I dismissed and refused to come to terms with until months after I met my now boyfriend and thank god banished him for good. He raped me. I can't believe I'm actually typing this out. I wrote it off as a misunderstanding, maybe he didn't hear me say no, maybe he was drinking and I didn't realize, etc. but now I know it was rape. We were both sober (not that alcohol is an excuse to rape) and he knew exactly what he was doing. I am so beyond filled with gratitude that I met such a wonderful pure-hearted man that I am currently with and who caused me to see how much of a monster the past guy was.