worst day of my life...please help me...

I just found out yesterday that I am positive for HSV 2. It feels like my world has been turned upside down..I had a horrible out break about a week ago but I thought it was an allergic reaction to all the medicine I been given because before all of this I found out I was positive for gonorrhea of the throat but I was confused because the clinic never swapped my throat not to mention my gyno prescribed me medication for what she thought was a bladder infection. So antibiotics on top of antibiotics I thought I was having a bad reaction. But it wasn't...after the sores went away and I felt better, I had sex (with a condom) with my on again off again partner. But he gave me oral too; we gave eachother oral. He doesn't know about the std or the outbreak. I'm afraid he may get it in the mouth and I don't want to ruin his life like mine is ruined. I like him so much, I'm so afraid to tell him. Thing is, I don't know who gave me herpes and how I got it exactly. I been dealing with depression for years and this just might be the thing that'll make me end my life...I can't deal with this and I can't live with this. Some part of me makes me feel like all 3 doctors gave me a misdiagnosis...I just wish it was bad dream.