I don't know what happened to me. I used to do swimming classes, cooking classes, be at the park everyday with many friends, I did ballet, soccer, cheerleading, I was tan, and around 125-130 pounds. Workout every morning in gym at school. I was 5'3 and 13/14. Now I'm 17, and I'm 175 pounds. My thighs are huge, and everyday I notice a stretch mark on my stomach. My face is big and chunky, my arms are big. The stretch marks on my stomach are really bothering me, considering I never even had them until a few months ago, and It's all from weight gain. Not pregnancy. I don't like doing anything that I used to do anymore. With the skin I'm in. I've been to counseling, all that. At 15 I lost my grandma, my boyfriend of two years left me a month after she passed away. I went to the mental hospital twice that year and have always had parents who never cared if they hurt me. I've always been bullied. Extreme anxiety to the point I won't even leave the house unless it's night and not many cars out, or won't get out of the car during the day much. Self harmed since I was 13, until I was 16. Yes, I recovered from self harm. A little over a year clean. I've learned to cope. I started to care about what everyone else thought. I still do, I care so much about what others think. I'm called a stuck up bitch left and right, and that's not it. I have anxiety and I get nervous over everything. People get so upset when I avoid seeing them or spending time with them, they take it personal and it's my fault. And with that, in my head, I think that well, if I stay home in my room, no one can hurt me. No one can judge me or put me down. No one can ruin my day. This is NOT how I want to be! I so badly want the body I dream of, I want to go swimming again. I want to just get out of this house and spend the day at the mall with friends again. I avoid anything and everything that has to do with other people. I hate it. I'm almost 18, I don't have a choice but to bust my ass and do this for myself. I need to really get my shit together. School is Monday, and I'm ready to really focus on it. I fell so behind on it with depression. Now I'm to the point where I don't have a car, no job, and I have 5 credits. Yep, 5 credits as a senior. This picture just saddens me, I can't believe I let myself get this far. Im really embarrassed I never controlled myself. If there's any of you ladies who have suffered from anxiety/depression, or have before and after pictures of weight loss, PLEASE share your story. I'd love to listen to each and every one of you. Share your healthy tips. Motivation would be so helpful. Thank you to anyone who reads and listens, I appreciate it.