I see a lot of young girls on here posting "well does age really matter?" "He's a lot older but he says he loves me so it's true right?"

While some of these are good guys, the majority are not. I would just like to share my story so that some of you who are in the same place might realize it and get out...

When I was barely 14 I started talking to this guy. He was four years older, but o figured I had always been mature for my age, so it wasn't really weird.

He was my best friends cousin, and had dated another friend of mine. When we started talking he asked me not to tell them because he "didn't want drama". I understood. After all, I was so mature and over the high school bs already, right?

Things started out sweet. He always made me feel really good. He was always there. We played cute little games. It was everything I could ever want.

Whenever I saw him though things were odd... I was significantly taller than him, and one day he went off on me because I made a joke about it. He was very physical. Not necessarily violent, but he was very hands on. He just did things that made me feel like I was submitting to him. Not very strange right? He was just playing?

At some point things took a harsh turn. I stopped talking to my friends because they all told me he was bad news. I'm not exactly a socialite by any means, but there was a dry spell on my phone. He was the only one I talked to. How romantic right?

At the time I was suffering with an eating disorder, I'm 5'7 and I weighed 115 pounds. I was also addicted to self harm. He knew about both. He would stress me out so bad that I would have a breakdown and cut then berate me for how stupid it was, and tell me I was dumb. But he dealt with it so that made it okay right?

One day I snuck out to see him. I will spare you the details of how I did it and all our adventures, however there was one event that still haunts me. He took me to his house. No one was home. He pinned me to his bed and tried to have his way with me. I was basically screaming begging him to stop and he wouldn't. Thank god his friends kept calling. They wanted to hang out. He told them we would go. If they hadn't called he would have raped me. He kept saying "you're already wet just let me slip it in". Those words, two years later, still echo in my mind.

Later that night he made me let him shove his hand down my pants and grab my ass. I was his and he could do that right??

He ended up ditching me for another girl. Thank god. I never realized or believed anyone that he was bad. He said he loved me so how could he be bad?

It's going on two years. I still have nightmares. He preyed on me because I was young. Guys do that. Please be careful. I do not believe in regret ( because at one time you wanted it ) but I regret him. I still wake up crying. No one can touch my butt, even jokingly or I have anxiety attacks.

I was young and I trusted him. He fucked me up. Please be aware of guys like this. If this sounds all too familiar feel free to message me for support. You're not alone. You can get out. You can do better.

I'm posting this off anon, but please don't give me sympathy. I just posted this for others who might be in a similar position. I have come to terms with it. I don't want people to look at me differently because of it.

Sorry this was an incredibly long post. Thanks for anyone who read this far.

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