Need help

Had my beautiful baby girl just about 5 months ago. When she was born I went right back to my pre pregnancy weight (only gained 18). Now! Went back on the pill and went up 12 pounds!!! I'm almost weighing what I weighed when I was 9 months pregnant!! And nothing I do can get it off. Now I'm postpartum depressed all I do is crying when I look in the mirror. 😭
I've always had a problem with weight and when I see a number on the scale it freaks me out! I had to buy all new pants for work. 😭😩