Giving your first kiss to your MU

He kissed me while i'm closing my eyes tfck. Then after that day I got addicted. We kiss and kiss but he is not my boyfriend he is just my MU. :((( I regret giving my first kiss to him thou he was the one who took it. It's been 3 months? After I stop our MU thing. I learned that I cant love him and he is not the one for me. AND HE IS SO FCKING UGLY. I really regret everything we did. I should give my first kiss to my first boyfriend but sadly MU took it.