I feel horrible

So a little history.. ive been blessed with baby #5 i currently have 3 boys ages 13 8 and 6 and one girl age 11. My SO has a boy 12 and a girl 13.. We were both hoping for a girl since this will be both of our last baby.. And he is amazing great dad wonderful loving caring supportive partner the true love of my life that i have been waitin for.. Well today i had my 20 week anatomy scan.. Im 20w5.. At 17 weeks a doc said the baby looked like a girl.. But today they told me the baby is a boy.. I feel so disappointed.. And then i feel horrible cuz i feel disappointed.. So ive jus been an emotional mess since the US.. I feel ungrateful cuz every baby is a blessing from the most high but im kinda like damn God i couldnt get what i wanted to go out on since im gettin my tubes tied? I feel so bad like i dont deserve to be his mom 😞😞😞😞