It's been several months & I'm slowly but surely healing. I have either thrown away or destroyed everything he's ever given me. Every picture we took together has been deleted or stored away. Anything or anyone that reminds me of him is gone. Besides his family. His mother is recovering from cancer treatment, & she's always had me to help her, & she is so disappointed in her son for what he did to me. We have a strong relationship that I really don't want to let go. She doesn't remind me of him, she usually doesn't talk about him in front of me unless it's to tell me how much of a loser he's become since he cheated on me. 

But every once in a while, I'll see pictures of him, or someone will ask me about him or talk about him, & my body just malfunctions. My head spins & hurts & completely blanks, my chest tightens, I start shaking. Why does that happen? I fucking hate it. I don't want him to have that kind of power over me b/c he is supposed to be dead to me. What if I run into him? (Although his wimp ass wouldn't ever dare come near me again). But what if by some chance I see him, what do I do when my body gets all screwy like that? What if his new GF try's to mess with me? How can I stop it? Will it ever go away? Please, I need answers.