Bad mom for saying/ feeling this!?..

Let me start off by saying that I'm 25 married with 3 kids 4, 3, and 9 month old our 4 year old has cystic fibrosis and our 3 year old is Autistic... just found out that we're pregnant with #4 I think that I have fallen into depression, I don't want this and have no one to talk to without feeling juged, abortion is out of the question!!! Adoption maybe but I would forever be hated by my family... I'm at a loss when trying to talk to my husband about it he just thinks it's funny and is some what happy about the pregnancy, going to found out tomorrow if our church has free family counseling!