Was he just trying to humiliate me?😭😡🤔

Question

The long and short of my situation (p.s. I'm 34yo, very upset, and REALLY need adult opinions so I hope this falls under the 'adult relationships' section): OK- so I've known a guy for a couple years now, and when we see each other we flirt....ALOT...serious flirting!! He broke up with his on again/off again GF 4 months ago. The other night I saw him where I currently work (which is where he previously worked; we never worked together, but it's how we met) and I laid it out to him in plain English that I "know his type- he'll flirt with any girl just for an ego boost, but that I 'needed a distraction' because I'm going through an extremely stressful situation" (which has nothing to do with another relationship/man or anything like that; I told him the situation- it's a legal thing and I explained that in plain English as well). He kinda laughed it off like I wasn't serious. THEN he came back and we continued our convo/flirting and I told him I wasn't playing around. He said "I'm not looking for a relationship; just got out of one; trying to buy a house etc etc" to which I said "I never said anything about a relationship!!"  He told me he had frozen groceries in the car and had to get them home. 
My question is: WHY DID HE TURN ME DOWN?? More importantly, why did he come back the second time? The more I think about it the more PISSED OFF I GET that he came back the second time!!! I wouldn't be upset or angry if he just turned me down the first time and didn't come back!! 
I'm really taking it personally and I really want to just continue our usual flirty, back-and-forth, comradery, but when he turned me down twice in a matter of hours I felt absolutely humiliated as if he just came back only to get an extra ego boost at my expense!!
Sad and confused (and really angry)...... Can anyone out there help me understand what was going through his mind??

Accepted Answer

I read it as he wanted to make sure you clearly understand the playful banter flirting is nothing more than playful banter flirting and he doesn't want you to misinterpret it as "this is gong anywhere" flirting. He was actually being responsible.  Perhaps he doesn't want to hook up. Regardless of when mist women say they are ok with hook uos, thy don't mean it and smart guys don't engage. Smarter guys communicate. He wasn't trying to be mean to you or turn you down. He probably recognized his own behavior and wanted to be clear

Answer

Sweetie, I think you made a couple of tactical errors.  First, you probably offended him.  Some people are just flirty.  You don't know his intentions.  Bottom line is that he was being friendly to you.  Second, you shouldn't have told him all that personal information if you are looking for a simple hook up.  You're a grown woman.  You don't have to explain why you want to have sex.  He was probably confused.  Do you want a one night stand or a fuck friend?  He might of thought it was a ruse to get him into a serious relationship.  The fact that he said that he didn't want to get into relationship right now shows that he was confused by your intentions.  He didn't say that he didn't do one nighters.  You should have simply propositioned him.  He came back a second time to show you that he still wanted to be friendly.  Then you insulted him again by saying 'do you want it or not' implying 'if you don't want it get lost.'  I do understand your frustration, but you went about it in the wrong way.  No sane man wants to jump in the middle of a mess.  It doesn't matter if you tell him no strings because he is afraid that there are invisible ones.

Answer

You pretty much insulted him and then you have the audacity to get offended and pissed that he turned you down? ?

Answer

He just wasn't interested. No one is obligated to accept your advances.

Answer

Believe it or not this is the first time in 34 years of being alive that I have EVER had the confidence, much less the courage, to do something like this. I MOST CERTAINLY would have NEVER NEVER NEVER just come on to him out of the blue. I did this after about 2 years of him 'flirting' with me. Most of the time his 'flirting' consisted of asking me "so when are you going to have me over for dinner?"  That implied to me that he was not ever interested in a boyfriend girlfriend relationship but that a booty call relationship would be about all. And he's not a bad guy at all- there were many times when we would have normal conversations, And I assume those were the times that he was with his on again off again girlfriend. 
Gosh, this is just making me feel worse. I'm not some obsessive, arrogant slut who is pissed off that I was turned down. I'm mostly sad about it to be honest. And completely humiliated! The thing that makes me angry is that he came back a second time knowing that he wasn't going to go home with me, yet he still came on to me. I'm sorry I don't know what to make of that! I thought maybe I could get the opinions of some other women; maybe they could tell me if it's happened to them, how they felt, how they reacted, Etc. maybe I worded it wrong or should have gone into more detail, But I wanted REAL OPINIONS – not judgments!!!!!

Answer

Not all guys sleep around or take every piece of easy ass that comes around. I take it as simply not interested in sex or a relationship. As women we tend to get upset if a guy we aren't interested in having sex with doesn't get the point yet you don't seem to get the point and are upset...there shouldn't be a double standard. Don't look it as rejection. Look it as him respecting himself enough as well as respecting you enough to not just smash and be done.

Answer

It's pretty arrogant to be upset that someone turned you down. I'm sure you've turned down people before. You can be flirty with people without actually liking them more than acquaintances.

Answer

How did he turn you down?

He explained to you that he isn't trying to be in a relationship he just got out of one...

The natural relationship you guys have is flirtatious so i dont understand what the problem is? Both of you are benefiting from the "relationship".

Perhaps I misunderstood

Was he just trying to humiliate me?😭😡🤔

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