Reality and dreams
My dreams have yet to fail me. I have learned to pay attention to my dreams. Interpret my dreams.
A few months ago, I keep having dreams of my boyfriend cheating. And at the time I kept them to myself and wanted to see how many times I was going to have them.
Almost every night for two weeks I kept having the dreams. I talked to my boyfriend what are his thoughts on dreams and if he is a skeptic. He replied back with how he believes dreams can have meaning and how he's had a few that happened in similar outcomes and that dreams are either a desire or fear. So once again I kept my dreams to myself. I waited another week to see if I would have the same dreams. And they did happen.
At this time my boyfriend was out of town working. A three hour drive from our house. He was working and staying with his dad. A couple days had gone by before I meet up with him and stayed there with him. We have literally been inseparable since the day we meet. The longest we have been away from each is two days. Which is why I found it hard to believe my dreams of him cheating. But I realized that there are many ways in today's world that cheating can happen. Social Media or jus thru the phone in general. So the night I went up to meet him, his family was having a birthday get-together for his brother. I got to meet more of his family which was nice. Everyone was having a good time, enjoying themselves. So once again, I kept my dreams to myself. The next day comes and its jus me and him at the house alone and I brought up the topic of dreams and how weird my dreams can be especially after a night of drinking and warmed up to my dreams of him cheating. He kinda laughed and said, " seriously?! Sounds like a fear". I said yes it is. I continued on about how many times I've had them and that my dreams have never failed me. He got quite. I got quite. Then he mumbled, " so you think I'm cheating on you?" The most basic, annoying, question with whether he's gna lie, tell the truth, and it comes with the most hurtful answer. I didn't know how to reply. I didn't want to reply back with an insinuating, beat around the bush question/ answer. So I answered simply with a Yes. He didn't say anything I didn't say anything. We both left off on that note.
The day passes by and its night time. We get to drinking again. Having fun. At the end of the night. Once I have had a my drinks, I brought up the subject again. He went on with "well I'm only talking to girls because I thought you didn't care about what was going on with us and I had already told you to stop talking to your guy friends". I was in the Army for 7 yrs and I have bonded with a lot of guys. We have literally been thru war. Most of these guys were there and experienced the same things as I have and those bonds cannot be easily broken. I have explained this to him and he said he understood. I'm that kind of girl who has like one girlfriend but has 15-20 guy friends. My one girlfriend, who we've been friends since the 3rd grade is the same way. Our guy friends have never tried to make moves on us or anything of that nature. We are both the tomboy/ girly-girl type. But him tellin me I need to cut back on talking to my guy friends happened three months into our relationship. But I spoke with the Army guys everyday. We are all spread out through out the country. We talked and gave each other advice. I was making adjustments to the civilian life and working(where I meet my bf and my best friend was working too) and they were there to listen about how I thought I wasn't gna make it and I wanted to get back to the Army life. But then they told me I needed to actually get a boyfriend. I hadn't had a "real" boyfriend my entire time in the Army. I was never in the states to hold a relationship so I focused on my career. But then I meet my boyfriend and my friends were excited. Especially the guys I've been friends I grew up with because I told them that he was a car guy. They were super hyped. We all had common interest in motorcycles, cars, trucks, and racing. We all ride motorcycles and have like 3-4 cars and trucks. One of my friends own his own mechanic shop and we all go to get our work done. But anyways, at this point my conversations with ALL my guy friends had lessened grasticly. I hadn't talked to anyone in weeks so I laughed when he said that tho. I gave him my phone so he could see that I wasn't lying. And he said alright. I'll stop talking to them. And I said ok. He said he did it. He told them. I never asked to see if he did. I jus told him that I would trust him and believe he did it.
A few signs that I picked up were that he didn't hold on to his phone as much. I never tried to sneak his phone but I noticed that before this conversation he clinged to his as if we're literally his life line. So I never questioned him about it.
Today, he have jus been hanging out at home. We usually joke and try to record or get silly pictures of one another. And today he did jus that. Recorded me while I was "window shopping on my phone" and jus so happened to burp super loud. He laughed, I looked up and saw he was recording. So I said I want to see what other pictures and videos you got on your phone. He kinda ignored me and I let it go for a few minutes and said it again. And he said why? I don't have any more. And said well ok jus let me see I want to see what you got. And he said ok I'll show you but I you got to sit right here next to me. And I said ok and then he went on to saying I do have more pictures and videos of you and told me the ones he had but only mentioned the ones that I have caught him doing and said that all he gots and I said ok jus let me see and he said no. I don't want you to delete them. I said ok I won't, I pink promise. And he ignored that and said jus sit right here and I'll show you. And at this point I'm over it. I'm done going back and forth and said, fine never mind don't show me. Quickly he put his phone away. So I went back to my window shopping. A few min ties goes by and he says "Felicia, look at me. Are you mad?" I looked at him and said No, it's fine. He replied, No it's not, I know you're lying and you're mad. All I could do was literally try to convince him I'm not mad. Which I wasn't I jus have my suspensions because of the phone issue before. I didn't mention anything about it. But he went on about well I don't want you to be mad over something stupid or be mad because you didn't get to see my phone. So I told him, exactly it's stupid so why be mad, obviously if you really wanted to show me or not hiding anything you'd let me see. And he said so what are you saying?! I said nothing, it's whatever, I don't care. Jus get over it. He went will don't be mad. Trying to keep it together, I said look, I am not mad. It doesn't bother me. So once again, my mind is going a million miles an hour on he might be cheating again. He has to be. Why else would he be so defensive. All of this is going thru my head. Well he gets upset and walks out the room. His been over there on his phone for an hour while I'm in our room typing this up.
I'm jus not sure what to think of it. He knows I have trust issues with him because of what happened before. I'm jus not sure what to do.
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