Am I ungrateful?

Question

My boyfriend and I have been together for almost 4 years. Earlier this year we had a pretty rough time and took some weeks a part. Shortly before his birthday we decided to get back together and work out our problems. Because of that rough spot, I tried to make a big deal out of his birthday to make him super happy and to know how much I love and care about him. I spent a lot of money.

Blink-182 reunion tour tickets (his favorite band of all time) - $450
Billy Currington tickets - $40 (WASTED bc we didn't go 😒)
Dinner the night before his birthday - $70
Dinner the night of his birthday -$35ish (we split it)
Hotel room on his birthday -$115
His fave snacks, beer, and other goodies for hotel room -$70

THATS ALMOST $800!!!!

Now, I know most of it was spread out. I bought the concert tickets months before (like before we decided to take some time a part) and like I said, I really didn't mind bc I love him and wanted to make it special! However, money is extremely tight for me bc I recently went from working full time to part time in order to focus on school and graduate college and he knows that I'm living paycheck to paycheck. His birthday gifts literally set me behind all summer as far as money goes.

So my birthday was yesterday and I'm not sure what happened but last year he didn't get me anything for my birthday. Like I don't even think he took me out for a birthday dinner or anything....and like he told me this year he really wanted to make up for it and had such a great gift. So he took me to a baseball game last night (which I had actually planned on paying for myself) but other than that he didn't get me anything. Like I showed him some books and candles and bath stuff I wanted and some other pretty inexpensive things. But nothing. He was with me all weekend and every time I brought it up he just kind of avoided the subject.

I'm by no means high maintenance, and I don't really define our relationship by how we spoil each other. But it's my damn birthday. Like I'm just kind of irritated that for some reason he can't seem to make me feel special on this day. Like I can understand not going all out for Christmas bc we both have family and friends to shop for. But my birthday? If there was one day of the year to spoil anyone, it'd be their birthday. Not to mention, TWO years in a row...? And he's normally really great at getting gifts. I just don't understand. Like my birthday has been the same day all 4 years of our relationship.

It just bothers me so much. And idk how to even talk to him about it. I literally decided that if I don't get a gift, I'm just not getting him anything for Christmas. I mean, maybe I'm ungrateful or selfish but why should I keep buying things for him and spending money when I don't get anything in return?

I just don't know what to do, and idk why it bothers me so much. 😔

Answer

You have a right to be upset.  You spent so much money on him to make him happy. And he doesn't seem to try much to return the favor. I'd be pretty pissed myself.

Answer

You're not ungrateful. It's unfair that you spent so much time and money making him feel special and he did nothing special for you. I would be pissed. You're probably never going to get back as much as you've spent because if he notices that he isn't getting anymore gifts then you probably aren't getting any

Answer

You should never give a gift and expect something in return. If you give a gift, it's because you want to. But don't expect the same from him. He's not obligated to spend the same amount just because you did simply because he didn't ask for any of it. You did it out of your own free will. Just don't go all out next time. I honestly think people who expect big things sound spoiled and ungrateful when they don't get something as big as they originally thought. Just keep the gifts small so you won't be disappointed. Otherwise, if you do go big, don't expect big in return.

Answer

All these comments got me like y'all with wrong dudes if he's tight on money at least he could be vocal about it instead of making u feel some type of way on ur bday.  Like idek why I feel so bad when a dude spends his money one me. My BF always gets me things like whenever we're togather and he's like babe I'm hungry I wnna eat can we go eat and I would be like no babe and he's like I feel like bad that I'm eating and ur not.... See guys it's not that he has to but it's his thought that counts. If a man can't do anything like that for ur big day and ur spending money on him he doesn't deserve u❣

Answer

Lol it's okay girl I'm the same way, but I just spent 200$ that i couldn't afford on drake and future tickets for my boyfriends birthday...and he looked at them and said "I don't wanna go if this is a drake concert" 😇😇😇 and my birthday is on the 30th of this month and he said "oh we can get a movie and watch it at my house cause I don't feel like doing anything" 😼

Answer

A gift isn't a gift if you expect something in return. He might feel uncomfortable that you spent that much money on him without asking you to spend it. You wanted to spend the money, you chose to deal with the financial situation you are now in. Maybe your boyfriend can't afford to spoil you like you would like, I don't know. I don't know his situation. Talk to him. You're frustrated, and maybe he feels uneasy. If it really bothers you, don't spoil him so much.

Answer

I got my boyfriend Pro Baseball Rickets to his fav team for his 21st. About $60 each and beer/ food that day too. A few weeks later for my
Birthday he didn't get me anything nor did he take me out. I actually paid for takeout that night for us.

He wasn't working at the time but he was able to ask his mom for
Money so he could find a gift that expressed his feeling for me. It took three months for him to ask but he got my cute earrings that went with my necklace he got me when we started dating.

I felt the same way you did and my mom was pissed that he didn't treat me in any sort of way on my birthday. It was embarrassing but it worked out.

Answer

From my experience he really don't appreciate it. My son father was the same way until i gotten feed up with it and i moved on with my life. Now my spouse who i have been with for 2 1/2 years appreciate everything i do for him and i appreciate everything he does for me and not only me but also for my son. Sometimes people don't see what they have until you stop doing and until you gone.. When he ask for things tell him no you can't affords it etc and watch how his whole demeanor change. 😊 I hoped this help you alot.  And how many years you spent with a person doesn't mean anything.. I was with my son father since i was 16 we broke up after my 21st bday.. I hope and pray you will find someone for you

Answer

I dated a guy who would request things for his birthday, like hey you should get me this.. and i would but when it came to mine I'd get a facebook post.. not even a card. I see where you're coming from. I wouldn't be happy either.

Am I ungrateful?

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