I don't know when he lost feelings but the whole summer had been awful, I never saw him and when I did it was just weird. I was tired of wondering where we were going, tired of feeling so helpless in this situation. I was working so hard for us. I was trying to be optimistic even though he wasn't treating me the best. So I decided to end it. He wanted to be friends but I can't just be friends. At least not now. That would give me false hope. Even though I don't want be distant, I know it's what's best for me to heal right now.

I have a class with him at school and he's assigned to sit next to me and today I just wanted to reach out and hold his hand or talk to him like I always did but I realized I couldn't and I just felt so bad. 

The day we broke up, I gave him back his Nintendo DS and a USB that he wrote a huge love letter on. It was a really nice letter but I felt like having it would just provoke me to read it and I wouldn't want to just throw it away so I gave it back. Do you think that was too far? I'm just having a hard time with this and I know it's not easy but I hate feeling so awful.