second shift moms?

Question

My SO wants me to go to second SOOO bad its crazy. I honestly don't think he could handle basically being a single parent of a 5 year old and new born. When I was away for a week and picking up the older child during the day he wouldn't even put clean clothing on him it'd always be dirty jammies and a happy meal was what he made for dinner. I don't think he realizes how awful he is and just getting shit done

Answer

With my first two kids I worked 3:30-midnight and my husband worked 6:30-3. It worked. Honestly he had tough days. The bedtime shift with a baby is always the hardest. There were days I'd get home at 12:30 and find the baby on his chest in the Bjorn and him asleep sitting up in a chair. The house would be a mess. At times the baby would be awake and fussing and he would hand him over and go to bed. But it all worked out. Our first two are 18 months apart. He did it with both of them. Honestly he's a better father for it. I had to learn that he will do things differently, and that's ok. I also had to learn how to go to bed knowing the house was a mess and try not to look at it all until morning. I was just thankful to get home and find everyone alive. He's got a bond with our first two boys like lost fathers don't have. He knows them inside out. He can comfort any booboo and even sing them to sleep. We have a third now and I work days and he works out of town. He misses those days with our first two and regrets not having the same bond with our baby, but they are getting to know each other the best they can. He's transferring back home in a few weeks and potentially could be working second shift. I'm actually hoping so because it eliminates child care and he can really start bonding with our newest boy.

Your husband will be fine. He will make it work. But there will be very difficult evenings, especially in the beginning. If you decide to do it you have to make it clear that you will not be switching back because he has a tough time. He will need to figure it out. I would also suggest a trial run so he knows what he's in for. Go out for an evening and let him handle dinner, baths, and bed and see how it all works out. Reserve judgment if it's not done your way though, and if he does it, I'd strongly consider the shift change. Nothing wrong with kids being raised by both parents. Good luck

second shift moms?

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