I'm just going through a downfall in my relationship. Let's call my boyfriend "Joe" We've been off and on for 3 years. Last year I moved in, we finally stayed together for about 4 months.. Then I left because I felt so alone when he was right there. This was around the holidays we fought about him not coming and him not taking me to family's for thanksgiving. He finally said he'd go then he left quickly to his parents to avoid going with me I told him that was it and I packed and he came home to an empty house. The next night I went on a date, it was one of the best nights ever. I started seeing this guy. But "joe" was trying to get me back, no one has ever seen him so depressed over losing a girl. I've never even seen him so upset over me. It was bad. I didn't know what to do. I stayed broken up with him for about a month. The other guy I was seeing he was a really good guy, just didn't seem to want a relationship as he was still freshly out of a 9 year one. I was upset, but understood. I realized why waste my time with guys like this(who doesn't want serious things), I'm going out all the time when I don't do that. I have someone that's really showing his love for me after so long. Who I still deeply love to. Someone to have a life with that I want. I gave him another chance, he had to prove to me he'd change before dating again. And he did, we were back together. For a month it went amazing he was a new man. I fell in love all over again. Then. It's likes back to day one just feel the same sometimes. Today he's been changing over the past month, in good ways. He's not drinking but once a week(use to be 3-4 times)working out, just being a nicer person to me like actually talking to me more, but I still just never get attention really. He's never been affectionate at all I got use to it but it still bothers me when I want a kiss he turns away. That he just doesn't know how to say I love you to because his parents never did. We never have sex(1-3x a month or 0) he's not shy of saying another female is attractive but he'll never say it to me. A few months ago we were having a fun night just us two, then I saw he was snapchatthing another girl like having a conversation. I don't know any girls by this name. I asked&he just got mad&said he didn't know who she was. I let it go. Even though I have a hard time trusting him bc he did so much to me in the past. He swears up and down he hasn't cheated on me now and he wouldn't. He even said a a few months ago if either of us are going to cheat by now being back together we just don't need to be together. I do believe he wouldn't physically cheat on me, I think my trust issues are still in the past&because I get really jealous. But since that happened, sometimes I flirt back with exs who still hit me up, but I'd never physically cheat,even though it'd give me the attention I'm missing. But I couldn't do that. I wouldn't want to. A few days ago the guy I was seeing when we were broken up has messaged me here and there. Today it was getting a little more personal. He replied to my story saying how I looked good. He was saying he misses my face. I had a dream about him last night, I told him. He was happy about that. He knows I'm still with my bf&hes not the guy who wants to get inbetween that. But he said again"I miss you so much.God." And how he was with me right now. I couldn't lie I said I missed him to. I think about him often. I'm just so attracted to him&his attention makes me feel good. Since I don't get that. We ended the conversation. I'm just lost. I love my BF so much, I really do. We have a good relationship besides this problem, but it's a big problem. I just miss so much that passion, that spark, that romantic connection. I don't know how to get it back. We use to have sex twice when we'd see each other before living together, when we got back together we were having sex like crazy it was so hot. Now He hardly wants to have sex with me, I'm not boring I'm always wanting to try new positions, I get some toys to try out. I do what he loves sexually, I try to wear sexy things&send him pictures but he doesn't say anything back to them when I do. I don't think it's something bad down there he's only 25, almost 26. I just feel like I'm not enough, that he's just not attracted to me. When I look at him at want to rip his clothes off. Again I don't think at all he's cheating physically. I'd find out by now if he was. I'd have a strong feeling. It's happened before. Also It's a small town stuff like that travels quick. he's a homebody, I know where he is when he does leave. I just don't know what the deal is. Trying to talk to him about it is like pulling teeth. He's horrible at communication. Unless we break up and he wants me back... He just gets mad and responds with "if you're that unhappy just leave" or "that's how I am. Live with it or don't." Or completely ignores me. But if I did leave he'd be crying and begging for me back. And I don't want to leave. I know he really doesn't want me to either. We've come so far in our relationship and I really love him, even if he doesn't say it I know he loves me to. I don't want to just give up like I have before. Besides this big issue he's everything to me&I know he feels the same. At least I'm pretty positive. I'm just stressed and hurting I just love him so much I wouldn't ever go cheat on him I just want that spark back.. 😞