We did blood work to make sure my blood type would support the fetus. And we also checked my hcg levels. .............12. My levels at 4 weeks pregnant were 12. Equivalent to a 1 week pregnancy. I was losing my little miracle before my eyes. The pride and joy I hadn't even met yet. The cute little sweet cheeks I hadn't had the chance to name yet. 

I tried remaining positive through the night. Thought a miracle could happen. And somehow the baby would end up being okay. But this morning after I went to the bathroom I noticed how horrific the bleeding had gotten. I was now convinced there was no hope. Having faith in the positive regarding this baby was gone. And I started crying. After I was done in the bathroom I went up to my husband and I hugged him.  I cried. And I cried some more. And some more. He knew. But didn't say anything. He rubbed my back and held me close and just let me weep. At that moment- I didn't need a doctor to tell me I was miscarrying. It was obvious. 

Tuesday of next week I go back in for blood work to make sure everything has passed.  I'm thankful I haven't been in much pain through this process and have had zero signs of an ectopic pregnancy. 

I get it. I wasn't meant to be a mom at this point in time. We weren't mean to be pregnant with this baby. But THIS baby? I wanted this baby. And no comment, no advice.... Nothing.... Will ever change that. 

I am sending love and hope to those who found themselves in similar situations. I pray you find peace just as we are trying.