My husband who is gone half of the year (not an understatement... Merchant mariner life) actually happened to be here during my ovulation window. I was so pumped. My grandmother even had a fish dream (sign of someone getting pregnant). Well he goes back to work while I begin my TWW and I was so hopeful. He comes home right before our anniversary, we've been trying for a year, combating PCOS and just ugh. Well today I felt cramps and noticed spotting which at first I thought could be implantation bleeding, but now I'm fairly certain it's my period. And I just feel so defeated! This keeps happening month after month and Its starting to hurt. I've tried progesterone and that most definitely helped to regulate my periods but still nothing. This shouldn't be so difficult, I know i want it to bad and when I want it it'll happen, and all the other things people say but how do I stop wanting it so much? I want to give my husband a child. I want to grow our family. I want to feel the lovely little kicks in my tummy.  I want to fill the rooms in this house. I want to give the love and nurturing only a mother can give to their child. So many "I wants" but idk maybe i need to stop whining. Just a rougher "maybe next month" than usual.