I had a dream last night that I was at my sisters for her sons 7th birthday party, (which is coming tomorrow in real life), but it wasn't at my sisters house, it was at my dad's. *side note* I have ZERO contact with my father and step mother, they're not nice people, they've blown every chance I've given them to be civil and kind for the sake of my daughter, but they are narcissistic and controlling and my father abused me my whole life emotionally, mentally and physically.

So anyways, it was at HIS house, (for obvious reasons, my bad dreams always take place there), and everything was going great, the kids were playing (mine was not there) but my husband and I were there with gifts for my nephew and then all of a sudden, my father sees me and gets enraged and starts coming at me through the crowd of people there. He starts hitting me and pushing me around, yelling at me for not bringing our daughter so he could see her, telling me I'm a c*nt and that I'm selfish, throws me to the ground and at that moment, my husband finally broke through everyone (who just stood there watching in awe) and slugged my dad in the back of the head, making him stagger over me and fall down next to me. My husband picks me up, now covered in blood from my dad hitting me, and carries me off to our vehicle and that's where I wake up.

I know, that's really fucked up, But totally plausible For my father. He's a sick man. But I'm wondering if it's just my anxiety because we're going to my nephews party tomorrow WITHOUT our 3 year old daughter, my parents aren't allowed contact with her at all, she hasn't asked for them, and I don't want to confuse her.

I was already nervous about going, now its even worse. Should I not go at all now? Its crazy to think that the man could have this much control over me at the age of 23, when I've been on My own since the age of 15 when he kicked me out on Easter Sunday. Not that the abuse stopped there, he kept taking me back in and the same shit would happen and I'd leave or he'd thrown me out again. Vicious cycle for years. It took moving to a different town, in a different state, and changing my phone number to get away from him, and yet here I am, still afraid of the man and what he could do.

I haven't talked to my husband about this yet. I know he'll suggest we not go, but tell me it's still my choice If I want to. I don't currently have a therapist to go to about this, as I moved and haven't been able to find a new one in my area who has any openings.

Anyone have any advice? Please, no judgments here. I've had enough shit in my life already. And yes, this is all real. Maybe not believable to some of you but it's all very real to me. Thanks in advanced.