How would you respond/feel?

Question

So...I was discussing having another baby in a year or so, with my bf, and the topic of miscarriage came up. I had one before I met him and know that the possibility of another is there. Well, he told me that he wouldn't want to know if I had a miscarriage😓 So, when the time comes, am I not supposed to tell him I'm pregnant till I pass that "safety period" of 12w or do I just let him think I never lost it if I do. I just don't know how to even feel about his response. Advice and support needed, no negativity please. And thanks in advance for the help ladies❤️

Answer

My opinion is that it's extremely selfish of him to expect you to deal with a miscarriage all on your own with out being willing to be there for you.  He's you're partner,  not a sperm donor.  You both are experiencing a  loss.......  Why should you carry that by yourself?

Answer

I guess I'm confused why you would have another baby with someone like that.  That and he sounds awful.

Answer

I have had two losses. While my husband wasn't as emotional as I was, he was supportive and understanding. If he said that, I flat out would have told him he's not mature enough to be a dad yet.

Answer

I lost my first at 17 weeks. There is never a true safety period. I couldn't imagine going thru the pain and loss without the support of my husband.

Answer

Well my SO happened to be home through the whole ordeal. He didn't know what he could do for me, but having him with me made things a little easier. I couldn't imagine doing that without him. It was a huge bonding moment, we were both terrified, heartbroken. I wish he didn't have to see the pain I was in, but at the same time im glad he was.

I don't know what is going through your SO's head. He could just be really scared of that possibility and doesn't want the pain. But none the less, he will be loosing someone too. And you could definitely use the support IF it happened. I'm sure my SO wouldn't have wanted to know either, but then we would be in a fairy tale where nothing ever went wrong and our baby just magically disappeared. :(

With all that being said.... Your SO is the first person you'll tell if you're pregnant. The first person you'll hug or cry to in joy. You can't hold in that excitement from him.  And he shouldn't want you to. The possibility is always there, and being parents you'll go through the ups and downs together. Wow this rant is long, best wishes!!

Answer

I have had one myself and I could never imagine going through it without my husband. It was hard enough that we decided to keep it to ourselves and didn't tell anyone else so we only had ourselves to lean on. I would hope your bf would change his mind and be there to support you and understand how sad and hard it is. That's my opinion tho. Good luck and I pray you don't ever experience another one. I thankfully have had a healthy girl since then and are now 30weeks pregnant with a boy.

Answer

That's a tough one bc neither are really good options. Plus, you need his support if it happens. Maybe he said it bc he doesn't know how he would handle it. I'd say that you should still tell him when you find it your pregnant & tell him if you do end up having a miscarriage. I do hope that you never have to deal with the situation, though.

How would you respond/feel?

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