Mom or dad?

Question

For years my mom makes excuses for everything. Why I can't hang out with people and do anything outside of the house. I'm the person who never gets invited to things because everyone knows I won't be able to go. 2 years ago my dad left my life almost completely and got married. I see him maybe every few months. I don't know where he lives but I know its close. My dad never yelled at me unless there was a reason. He used to go meet all my friends' parents and be super friendly while my mom hides away. 
I keep thinking over and over that things would be better there. But I would lose my mom. She would never talk to me again if I called my dad and left. 
I don't know what to do I'm crying every day I'm so depressed do I stay loyal to my mom because she's been there for me or do I leave to live with my dad? I feel she cares way too much and he cares too little.
(I'm 15 if you were wondering )

Answer

Hmmmm your story is kind of similar to mine. Difference is, my parents were still married back when i was a teen (still married now for 41 years). But, they were extremely strict! There were so many times i was invited for sleepovers and hanging out at the mall or movies because my parents wouldnt let me. After a while, my friends just stopped asking me. I had one sleepover at my house for my 17th birthday and it was fabulous! But everyday i had to be home either by 6pm, or after my track practice and that was it. I could sit on my front porch but i better not leave! Boys couldnt even step foot in the yard! If one did stop by, he had to stand in the street and we had to yell our convo. Also back in my day, neighbors looked out for everyone and if my folks were away for a while, best believe Ms. Linda or Ms Brenda or Ms Debra had reports for my parents! It was miserable! As an adult now with 20, 16 and 13 year old, i can honestly say that looking back, i understand why my folks did what they did. I was an A/B honor roll student (couldnt do anything but read and study anyway), didnt have my first baby until i was 21 and married, never got in trouble with the law, instead of just hanging out with friends, i worked and made my own money and became independent and an upstanding citizen. So in my case, it worked out. And i still thank them to this day for holding a reign on me. Now for you, dear. Stay strong, you only have a few more years and you can fly on your own. Have you heard of the saying, "the grass is always greener on the other side of the fence"? It seems lovely and a problem solver if you move in with your dad, doesn't it? But you mentioned, that your dad lives close by but you do not see him for months at a time. Also your last sentence speaks volume and it seems like you understand. You said, my mom carea too much and ny dad cares too little. I feel as if you already know the right answer. Hang in there, hun. I wish nothing but the best for you.

Answer

You should talk to a counselor at school and tell them what a going on. They can set up a meeting to discuss things with your mom. Explain how you feel about her keeping you inside.. Ams maybe you could understand why she feels the way she does and compromise in a comfortable setting with another trusted adult.

Answer

You shouldn't have to choose between your parents, nor should they make you feel as though you have to choose.

I dont know, just have a talk with your mom express to her how you feel.

If you don't experience life a bit now it really won't help you when you get older.

Answer

I dont think its thing where one cares too much and one too little they just show it differently is all. I dont think you have to pick one or the other but talk to them both and make the decision which is most healthy for you to grow. They should love, accept and be there for you regardless

Answer

My mother was horrible to me for a really long time. I felt really bad because she did love me-just in her own way. One day I realised that the kind of love she gave me just wasn't good enough from a mother to her child. You don't owe it to your mother to stick around despite the way she treats you just because she has always been there-that's her moral obligation, nothing more. I have seen so many children ruin their lives through their loyalty to shorty parents. If she would stop talking to you just because you left then good riddance. You'll have to leave eventually, if she expects you to hang around forever and give up any hope of having f your own love fe to he she doesn't really love you. Good luck. I hope that you find happiness.

Answer

I would call my mom because she has been there for me since 4ever and my biological father doesn't show up in my memory because he wasn't there for me when I really needed him the most however my step father took the title as father in my life he may not have been my father but I cacider him my dad and always thank him and my mom for everything they have done so.... Yes I would and matter of fact will call my mom and my (step) dad to be with me at labor.

Answer

I have a son that's 16. He probably would've had the same complaint about me. I'd mostly just let him have a friend over here at home. I didn't really like for my kids to go out with a lot. He came to me one day and was like "Mom when are you gonna start letting me go more places and do stuff with my friends?"  I explained to him what my concerns and fears are.  It's mostly fear that causes this in parents....at least it was for me. I think about what I did as a teen and it makes my blood run cold just thinking about what COULD HAVE happened. I just didn't want anything to happen to him. I kept thinking "Omg he could get kidnapped and there would be nothing I can do"!!  Mind you, my son is 6'3" 250 lbs.....probably not overly at risk for kidnapping but you get my point.

My point is, talk to your mother. It won't happen over night, letting go and letting your kid grow up is hard. At 15 I didn't understand this. Now with my own son I see it. It's been about five months since our talk and I've been able to let go more and I think he understands I need to be able to trust him. That he goes to where he says he's going and he keeps me informed. I insist that his location remain on at all times on his phone....just in case someone tries to kidnap him🙄.

You haven't seen your father in two years. You don't know where he lives. You don't know how he's living or if his new wife would be accepting of you. The grass isn't always greener on the other side. Not saying you shouldn't live with him but as a parent I couldn't go two years without seeing my 15 year old daughter. You just need a lot more information before you jump into moving in with your dad.

Sorry it's so long.

Answer

That sounds tough. Your mom seems to be very strict with her parenting but it's making you miserable. If it was me, I would first try to talk to my mom and tell her how I feel about her parenting and how it's making me feel. If she doesn't get it, then I would start reaching out to my dad. You have the right to rebuild a relationship with your dad and if he's willing to get to know you, too, then that's even better. But don't just up and leave because it may not work out the way you'd hope.

Answer

Ask your dad. your mom will get over it.

Mom or dad?

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