Trigger warning: miscarriage and relieved?

Question

So I had been spotting for a week and a half as of yesterday and we had gone to the ER last Saturday and saw a great heartbeat 170bpm at about 8 weeks since last period (they estimated 7 weeks 4 days) but since yesterday the brown spotting turned red, got heavier, and now I am officially bleeding instead of spotting. Pretty sure we are having  a miscarriage, which of course is devastating and very sad. We are scheduled for our first prenatal appointment with our midwife on Wednesday so rather than get another ER bill for what is either normal or something we can't do anything about, I'm going to wait for my appointment to see if we still have a heartbeat. I know you can have bleeding in early pregnancy and not have a miscarriage, but I'm not optimistic based on how much bleeding and now getting steady cramps (more of a radiating dull pain than a sharp one). 
I almost feel a little relieved that if the status is confirmed and if it is lost. This is my first time and I've had multiple occasions of spotting and so I almost feel like maybe if I lose this one my next pregnancy won't be so scary. Maybe I'll have more normal symptoms and less terrifying ones. Like, I almost feel like if I DON'T lose it, it might just be more terrifying bleeding randomly throughout the whole thing which is just incredibly stressful. I don't know if I could emotionally deal with these kind of symptoms the entire time. Of course I hope I don't lose it, I hope we have a healthy baby in seven months, but there is this underlying feeling that if we do lose it I'll almost be relieved. 
Anyone else felt that? 
No rude comments please, everyone is entitled to feel whatever they feel.

Answer

Well. Had an ultrasound yesterday morning and confirmed my uterus is empty. Which in the grand scheme of things, if I had to miscarry, is good since I don't need a D&C or anything. I am SO GLAD I came to terms with this as a strong possibility before the ultrasound, since I probably could not have dealt with that news if I were still strongly clinging to the hope that "98% of pregnancies where a heartbeat is seen at 8 weeks continue" and our fetus had a strong 170 bpm heart rate at 8 weeks. So I'm in the 2% that doesn't continue, and it SUCKS, but now I know and I can get on with my life and getting pregnant again. 
I have found a lot of silver linings, which obviously don't make it a good thing that this happened, but it's not going to do me any good to just wallow and be miserable. I want A baby. THIS baby wasn't viable for some reason, but I will get a baby and we will be fine.

Thank you to all the sweet and kind commenters, you really helped me get through the rough patch, and once I accepted the distinct probability of my miscarriage I honestly felt so much better than the constant worry. You hear so much about how miscarriages are so common, but you rarely get to put a face or even a name to those statistics, so every one of you who shared your stories were a huge help. I shared my miscarriage on instagram yesterday and to my friends just in case any of them go through something similar and feel like nobody they know has been through it, I want them to know someone they can talk to or even just put a face to the scary statistics. And to show that life goes on! We are fine and will continue our baby journey.

Good luck to everyone on their baby journeys! Hopefully I'll be joining the June or July 2017 birth clubs soon - fingers crossed!

Answer

As someone who has had multiple miscarriages, i totally understand your feelings. Trying to live your life in limbo like this, not knowing if you are pregnant anymore or not is so difficult and all consuming.  When you know in your gut it's not right but you still try so hard to hold onto that shred of hope. I agree, it's a relief to know for sure, no matter the outcome. It certianly doesn't mean you aren't ready to have a baby, in fact I think it's very  mature and realistic.

Answer

I completely understand this. With my last miscarriage I had three weeks of bleeding getting progressively worse, doctors appointments every three days and every time they'd give me a leaflet saying "sorry we couldn't give you any answers today". All I wanted was for a healthy pregnancy and I knew that one wasn't healthy. I just needed to know either way, but I was terrified of nine months of stress and doctors appointments and just general uncertainty. In the end I miscarried naturally on June 11th, I grieved for weeks and then got drunk with my husband and decided to start trying again. I'm now 9 weeks with a happy little baby growing inside of me that reassures me of its presence every waking minute with constant nausea and vomiting, but I couldn't love it more. Feel what you need to feel, this is your experience and you're handling it perfectly. Just remember that one day you will have a gorgeous baby and every step closer will make you stronger and make you love your baby more when it finally comes. Good luck xxx

Answer

Praying for you, Penelope!  I have had one instance of brown spotting myself and some loss of symptoms and am already tired of worrying if my baby is okay.  I really hope this forum acts as a support network for all women and not as a zone of judgment.  I feel we all receive enough of that in each of our own lives and have each reached out to this forum for help and support from similarly situated women.  Again, hugs and prayers to you.

Answer

Don't feel bad for your thoughts EVERYONE is entitled to an opinion and NOBODY knows what you are personally going through. People can say you aren't ready for a child blah blah blah. NO. That has nothing to do with it. Pregnancy is stressful it takes a toll on your body. I felt the exact way you are feeling when I miscarried my first! I cried and was heartbroken when I lost my baby, but I felt relieved that I didn't have to stress and worry anymore, there was nothing I could do to save my baby. the stress was taking over my life it wasn't mentally good for me. And when you have a miscarriage there's nothing you can do about it. Personally I just wanted to move on and be happy. So you people that are judging her, how about you look at the other side of it. She is mentally exhausted! She never said she wanted to lose her baby. But she's just trying to feel okay in a bad situation. Shame on you people bashing her.

Answer

Omg I had this same conversation with my husband. I've been going through the same thing for almost a week

Answer

I could understand being relieved just to know one way or the other and to be able to move fwd with another pregnancy if this one ends. Hope you will get what you need!

Answer

I'm really sorry you're going through this.  I miscarried in late June at 10.5 weeks.  The fear of loosing a baby you have likely wanted for ages is awful.  As soon as you are pregnant, you feel this mother love and it breaks you to loose your baby. That doesn't make you not ready to have another baby- it tells you how important it is to you.
I sense you are starting to distance yourself or prepare yourself for loosing your baby, and all humans do this to 'lessen the loss'.  
I'm now 5.2 weeks pregnant.  The fear of it happening again doesn't go away.  You'll notice every symptom and worry, notice a symptom disappear and worry.  It'll still be a tough 3 months.

I went to counselling.  It really helped me grieve the loss of my baby (I heard his heartbeat so he was a person to me).  It has also helped me control the anxiety and worry.  I won't let myself think about miscarriage for this Bub.  I won't Google signs etc as that just fuels my worry.  
I think going forward you need to find ways to not worry about symptoms and find some peace in the uncertainty.  (Obviously in the current situation you would worry as there is medical reason but for another pregnancy).
I hope all is ok with you Bub.  Let us know x

Answer

I hope this helps, I had a miscarriage 4 months ago the bleeding kept getting heavier and then I started cramping. I passed everything naturally so in July I got my BFP again, with this pregnancy around 6 weeks I was spotting brown, of course I was terrified, and it was actually bright red twice. I was so scared, but after 3 weeks of spotting it eventually just went away and I have no spotting. My doctor said that sometimes girls will bleed but the bleeding will stop and the pregnancy will continue, which I think is what happened to me. Have hope, prayers your way.

Answer

I 100% understand what you are feeling and I want more than anything in the world to be a mom. During my last miscarriage the continued spotting and waiting while hoping that everything is going to be ok drove me insane. My levels were going up but not as they should so I would go back every 2 days then wait by the phone all the time for the results. My work suffered and I didn't work out. I seriously was just trying to pass time until someone told me it was going to be ok or it wasn't. Oh goodness and the googling. Googling constantly looking for a little shred of hope that it turned out ok for someone else so it might be ok for me. The worst time in my life. That is why I decided this time to not get my levels checked because in the end whatever will happen will happen and the waiting just makes it so much worse. So long story short, don't feel bad for feeling the way you do. Your feelings are valid and it doesn't mean you aren't ready for kids or you are a bad person.

Trigger warning: miscarriage and relieved?

Let's Glow!

The Top Baby Tracker App: Embrace New Beginnings with Tender Care

The Top Fertility Tracker App: Your Path to Achieving Pregnancy

The Top Pregnancy App: Nurturing Your Journey to Motherhood

The Top Period Tracker for Empowering Your Menstrual Health Journey