Frazzle

I really have to get this out. I'm am severely depressed. I don't eat,sleep.... I just can't stand my fiance anymore. I'm over it. All he does. Drink, gamble, hang out with friends. I haven't talked to him in over 2 weeks. If I do it's very short. I can't have any kind of condo with him. We always fight. I am trying to save my money to get a car. My credit is bad. So I need to pay in cash for a down payment on a car. I work 6 days a week. Mind you. I'm 32 Years old. Bf 38. I drive his father's old and broke down truck due to losing everything from a previous relationship. Previous jobs I had. I use to work retail make min wage less than 20 hours a week. I now have a better job that I can save for. And make more money and hours. When I come home. I'm tired. He's either gambling drinking/ out with friends. Mind you still live with his parents. I'm telling him let's. Move out. Get him away from this house. He won't. He pissed at me saying not to get a car because he knows I'm moving out. He's scared. Mind you...he told me to buy his moms friends car that won't even last long. Too high of miles ... but stops me from getting a better car. Messed up. I'm soo f in tired... I'm tired of his tantrums. He punches walls threatens to kick me out. Knowing I have no place to go. I'm trying hard to get my life together . He won't. I just don't care anymore...I really don't. I sit in the room on my days off. I don't eat because I need to save all I have. I even hide money from him. I got approved for a CC he do t know about. Just so I can improve my credit. I just.... I can't.. I want to disappear.. it's so Fucked up...