I fell pregnant after my husband and I had protected sex and the condom for the first time ever got stuck inside of me. He pulled it out within 5 seconds and everything seemed like it never left the condom. I had a Pap smear the next day (routine) and my OB said we should be fine as I was only on day 7 on my cycle and I was getting ready to start a new pack of birth control. 2 weeks later I took a test and it was positive.  I then took another, positive, and a digital positive 1-2 weeks. At first I was upset. I just had our second baby 6 months ago and both our girls were born prematurely due to my water breaking. I was scared of my health, the babies health, and the fear I was just not ready. The next day I embraced it and was overall happy. Than a week later something happened that has never happened to me before. I began to spot. Frantically, I called my OB and he assured me that light spotting is fairly normal and I should be fine. 3 days later at 2am my husband is rushing me to the emergency room because my lower left side is in severe pain, I'm vomitting, and dizzy. After all test Hcg level were rising, but sonogram saw no baby. I was sent home saying it was just too early to see the baby and the pain may be caused by a cyst on my ovary. Followed up with my OB my Hcg levels once again rose, but did not double, and another scan revealed no baby and tubes and ovaries were in good condition. I was told to prepare for a miscarriage. 2 days later the pain became severe and my OB ordered me to the ER. Hcg levels rising still but not doubling, and ultrasound once again showed no baby. My OB than informed me that with everything that has been presented to him, it seems that I'm having a tubal ectopic pregnancy and I need to have surgery. Never having surgery or anesthesia before I was terrified. They prepared me for surgery and the last thing I remember is telling the anesthesiologist I wanted to be in Bermuda with my family  (she asked where would I like to go right now) I woke up to my husband and nurse. I found out that the baby was in my left tube and ruptured my tube. My tube was taken out. After the first 24 hours I was out of it and wanted to be home with my girls. Now that I have been home reality has set in and I lost my baby. I'm sad, I started looking forward to this little one and I even spoke to the baby telling him how much I loved him and we will make everything work. I feel guilty for being upset that I became pregnant. I feel guilty for becoming pregnant so soon, even though it was an accident. I feel like it was all my fault for losing the baby. I look at my 2 girls and I'm so grateful to have them and I love them so much and it was hard to imagine taking care of 3 but it was going to happen and now I miss the little one that could have been. I never knew that this would be so painful.