Why can't I finger myself?

I am not a virgin, I have had sex multiple (many times it was extremely uncomfortable) but I haven't been able to finger myself of feel comfortable when being penetrated by fingers, or any other object 😂. I noticed that sex doesn't feel good until my partner has gotten further in, but the pain that happens while he first enters is absolutely crazy. We used a ton of lube and it still felt very uncomfortable for me. When he was fingering me it felt like someone was clawing at my insides, it was just a weird sensation. I want to widen my vagina a little bit so entry won't be as painful next time, but it's so hard for me to finger myself comfortably? Anybody have suggestions?