Just need to vent

The worst part about my postpartum depression (that's what my therapist called it, so I guess that's what I'll call it) is that there are moments when I'm doing something mundane... like cleaning, feeding my baby, or eating... and I think I can do this. I realize that if I just weren't anxious, I'd enjoy this. I love taking care of my baby, I love taking care of my fiance, and I love my pets. I know if I could just get better, I'd enjoy every moment. The worst part is that I'm happy. I'm happier than I've ever been in my life. Yet, I'm still anxious, and I'm still depressed, and I don't understand the intrusive thoughts. I don't understand how someone can be so happy and so depressed at the same time. That's the worst part.

It's my own paradox.