I'm glad I stayed. Long story.

First I just want to say this is anonymous for one reason...that is because it's very personal and this is public.

I want to get this out, for me. Because no one knows how bad it truly was in the begining.

When I first met the man who is now my husband I was with my best friend. We had met him online and I wanted to meet him. I enjoyed talking to him. We were safe, we met him AT her parents house with her parents there. He was awesome. So he and I decided we wanted to see each other again.

I had to house sit for my cousin and he came over, brought his ps3 and games etc. I watched him play a game and we talked for a long time...well we ended up having sex. Which was amazing. It wasn't planned but oh well it happened and neither of us hated it.

We decided we would continue our relationship the way it was and see what happened.. I knew he wasn't exclusive with me and it was fine. I didn't expect him to be, we weren't together, though I was exclusively with him because I wanted him. To me, we just clicked.

We decided about 2 months in that we wanted to be together. He phased the other girls out and we ended up dating each other publicly- he met my parents etc. I hadn't met his yet because they both worked alot. Which was fine with me because meeting mine was actually accidental. Lol

Fast forward a month and my mom asks me one day if I'm pregnant...I laugh, say no. She tells me that she'll buy the test if I would just appease her and take it. Ok fine, I'll take the stupid test...I'm not pregnant so she's wasting money. The next morning I pee on that happy little stick. I lay it down not caring, finish up on the toilet and put up that stupid blue stick....I have never seen such a bright blue little plus sign in my life...I pulled the other one put and I actually dipped it in the toilet and bam...still a happy little plus sign.

Fuck. My. Life. I wanted to die.

I borrowed the van and went and told my mom at work...and then went and got blood work...yep, it was confirmed. Pregnant. Now to call him. I texted him and told him to call me. And I remember this conversation perfectly.

"Text reply: just call me now, I'm on break

>>> hey, I need to talk to you tonight, can you come by after work?

> just tell me now.

>>> I think it should be in person

> no, now.

>>> ok, I'm pregnant.

Line goes silent for a good 2 mins.

>>> are you there

> yeah. I'll see you tonight I gotta go.

I didn't expect him to show but he did. We talked and it was ok. For about a week, it was ok. I moved in with him and his parents because he wanted to be close to his child and me during the pregnancy.

Well he had a mental fucking breakdown. He wasn't ready and he was shit terrified of the fun ending and of being a parent. Which is fine but his reaction wasn't fine. He would go to work, go out with his friends and then sleep in. I was basically alone and felt so horrible. I would cry as he was leaving after work begging him to just stay with me that night, I just needed him to be there. I was depressed, I hated him but I honestly loved him. I didn't want to leave because I KNEW he just couldn't handle what was happening but it just wasn't ok. So I threatened to leave. He was ok for a week then it was bad again...I made that threat 2 more times before I got up the courage to pack my shit. 7 months pregnant, all my shit packed on a Saturday with my mom pulled up on my phon waiting to hit send. I waited until he got home, because he deserved to know and deserved to know where I was, it was his child after-all. He walked in and all I said was "I'm leaving". He cried, completely broke down and shattered and it hurt. It hurt me too. He begged me to stay and poured every fear he had out. He did want me to go...he loved me but he was terrified of everything. Of losing his friends or being forced to choose. So I stayed.

I can't even begin to tell you how happy I am that I stayed. We talked and figured out ways to let him have his own personal time to see his friends and be with me enough. I never wanted to take his friends and his "fun" from him. I never expected him to give up everything for me but that's what he thought and because of that he needed to get it out of his system before our son was born...but he could have talked to me. He just didnt.

We fixed it. Us together and on our own. I was 21 and he was 22. We learned how to communicate and be happy.

We had our son early due to pregnancy complications (none of which were his fault--not stress related) he became the person who took care of me after my csection and he really did take care of me. He followed our son to the nicu and spent time with him there, he only left after the doctors and nurses had convinced him that our son was stable and content. Then he came to me. He took off work and stayed with me all night.

He proved he was a great person and the person who I really thought he was. I loved him and he loved me too.

He and I had a rough first year especially after we got married and moved out. Living alone with no one else there to help buffer was hard. We were tired and living off of nothing with a baby. But we worked through it again. Together.

Through all the bullshit we've put each other through and all the times in the first year we wanted to quit were now on baby 3 and our anniversary is coming up. We're happy.

We still argue. But we never quit.

We still promise we will never quit, there's no force on earth that can make us stop loving each other and time can only get better if we're together.

He's the love of my life. And looking back, I can't believe I stayed but I'm happy I did.