I feel like his older sister...

I wouldn't say i'm depressed, but I have confused feelings and it's messing me up from having a bond with my child. My son is  7 weeks old, and I feel like his older sister not his mother. I'm the oldest of my 2 siblings (20 and 9), and my mother was single for about 7 years of my child hood. I had to step up, and be more of a care taker at times for my siblings while my mom worked. I've always had mom essence about me and my friends always called me the mom of the group. I don't know why though I can't shake the feeling that I don't feel like my baby is really mine. I think it's a lot of reasons, and me not being able to give birth  to him is also a major factor to me. I had a c-section that wasn't planned, I watched my baby get cleaned on a tv monitor and didn't get to hold him until almost an hour after he was taken out of me because I couldn't stop shaking. I attempted to breastfeed, but my sons tongue is tied at the tip and so it didn't work out. I tried to pump, but since I didn't have the stimulation my milk never came in. I feel like I got robbed of that bonding experience, and that my mom continued to share her stories of breastfeeding us when we wherr babies and how special it was rubbing it in my face. She accused me of not trying hard enough, but I did and I felt extremely guilty. And even now after my son gets his tongue clipped i still want to try again. Anyways I just had to vent on how I feel like I've missed out on these bonding experiences to make me feel like a mother and not just still an older sister. I have to be strong for my son though...he has a heart condition that needs surgery before his first birthday and he also has class 5 reflux in one of his kidneys.