is it worth the risk?

Question

So my fiancé and I are a long distance couple. We live 600 miles apart so we see each other maybe every 2 months and spend about a week together. So you can imagine that during that week there is a lot of Sex. Currently I can't handle all the hormonal changes in birth control, and I don't have a lot of money because I am currently a full time college student so we use condoms. The way my body is designed I get UTIs frequently no matter how many times I pee before and after sex, or how many cranberry products or fluids I ingest. Don't bother giving me uti advice because I've honestly tried it all and my option for that is to take a low dose antibiotic consistently to prevent them, and I can't do that right now either. So when we do meet up we use the pullout and condoms and this past time we have met up he keeps telling me he hates condoms and i feel like it makes the sex worse because I know he doesn't like it as much and he's pressuring me to just use the pullout. So because of that I've been forced to use plan b on multiple occasions which I feel is aweful for my body. 
Guys I love this man dearly and he really is amazing it's just sex with him is so hard and super scary right now and I'm so tired of these crazy hormonal rages and anxiety because of plan b I honestly can't take it anymore and I want to get through college without getting pregnant. I'm thinking about just telling him that I can't visit him until I am financially stable for medical bills and such. Because it will be near impossible to be abstinent when I'm living with hi and in his bed for a week. But if I tell him that he's going to be devastated and will think I'm not taking the relationship seriously. And maybe he's right we are engaged after all. Am I cold hearted?

Answer

If he doesn't like condoms and it's making you feel pressured into doing something you aren't entirely comfortable with, that fits the definition of sexual harassment. I was totally in the same boat you are in terms of the long distance and utis and everything... but the fact of the matter is that you need to talk to him about this. If he doesn't want to use condoms, that's fine, but then he needs to help faciliate you getting on a reliable form of birth control. If that means financially helping out to you, then so be it. YOU have to focus on YOU. If he truly loves you and understands your worries, he should understand that you need to be on bc before you're comfortable having unprotected sex. And if he doesn't understand that...not to be harsh, but maybe it's time to have a discussion about if he's in the relationship for the right reasons. You owe him nothing, ESPECIALLY if you're uncomfortable!!

Answer

You're not supposed to take plan b more than 3 times a year. I would go to a public clinic or planned parenthood to get on a pill. You need peace of mind. That or he needs to stop being a baby about condoms.

Answer

Just talk to him again and explain that whilst you're at school and not on the greatest amount of money you want to use condoms. It's only going to be however long and then you can do whatever. He needs to get used to it or don't have sex. Pullout method is fine when used properly. It's not going to be forever that you use condoms and so just make sure he knows that! Good luck x

Answer

I can understand your situation somewhat. My fiancé and I live together but in no way are we financially ready for a baby. There are lots of other methods that u can try to keep the flame going while maintaining an attempt at protecting yourself. There are female condoms, as well as spermicides (as a side note if you're using conforms with spermicides they could be a variable causing your UTIs as we discovered a while back) while pulling out is helpful in preventing pregnancy unfortunately pre-cum is just as capable of creating a new life . Something we find helpful is to use confirms during vaginal intercourse and when he is ready we finish with other forms of stimulation. (Because worrying about getting pregnant doesn't make for good sex, and being nagged at about not knocking somebody up isn't good either)

Hope this was helpful.

Answer

Have you talked to him about your current financial situation? If not you definitely should talk to him and tell him about your feelings on this. Remember that having a baby will cost a lot more than your current doctor bills!

is it worth the risk?

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