Ok so I don't mean how is this me like oh it's not true I mean how is this me like when did I transform into this. I was sitting here thinking and it just kind of hit me like a mack truck. I have been with my husband 3 years married for 1 we have a son and one on the way. When I got pregnant with our son we hadn't been together long but we chose to keep him but he started wondering. Texting/calling other females it would stop for months but there would always be a some one every few months he's flirting with. Fast forward a year and a half he cheated after we got married. Full blown sex with someone else. I find out everything because I check everything he does. Social media texts calls locations everything. I want to be with him. I chose him the day I met him and I stand by that. We've talked and he says its going to stop he just dosent know how and when that is. Before our 4 years he had never been in a serious relationship. Ever. I want to wait this out because as dumb as he acts sometimes...I know in my heart he loves me. But it's turned me into this monster. I have things set up to where I know where he is at all times as I said I have his passwords to everything so I check his social media accounts daily for anything I don't like hell I can even have his phone act as a recorder and send me the sound files with out him knowing so I can hear his conversations. I've seriously got this down to a scary science. Originally my reasoning for this was to get infront of his stupidity so I could stop him before a mistake was made. Like just step in and send him a message to come home or call him and talk about our son to put his head back on straight but Ive stepped back to look at myself and I feel like this controlling obsessive stalker for my own husband. Its so strange and sad and I wonder is this really love or something else? Something darker...