*Long post, sorry!* I'm 35 weeks tomorrow with a baby who seems like she wants to make an appearance before 40 weeks which is very exciting! Last night we went on the hospital tour, and it made me realize just how afraid I am of having to be in a hospital. I've been to L and D Triage plenty of times because I'm a worrier, but I've always been able to leave and continue with my normal life. The rooms just seemed so cold and harsh, and I'm really afraid of being bullied out of my birth plan. I have a fantastic doula, so I know that I just need to trust her, but it doesn't change the fact that I'm more afraid now than I was before the tour. I'm not even scared of birth I think, I'm just scared of being admitted to the hospital.

And on top of it, I'm getting more and more anxious about my family after baby is born. My stepmom is pushy and judgemental. She loves me like her own, and I love her a ton, but she is the kind to make comments about my kitchen if the dishes aren't washed, or to passive aggressively clean my bathroom. Thankfully she and my dad have no plans to stay with us for more than a day (because my house is "too small") but she has a nasty habit of coming over and then being harsh and judgy. She's already told me that she thinks that women who breastfeed in front of others, including family, are disgusting, and I won't be able to forget that as she's in my house and I'm awkwardly trying to build a good breastfeeding relationship with my daughter. My husband's sister is worrying me too. She's due with her first a few weeks after me, and I know that because she has two stepkids who are older, and she's had a lot of friends have babies that she's going to be full of advice, but not in the way of "I'm trying to help", but more of "You're doing that wrong, do it this way." Most of all, I'm afraid of family coming over and taking the baby from me before I'm ready so they can hold her. I know that eventually I'll have to let her grandma or aunt or whomever hold her, but I'm afraid that I won't be ready to let others hold her the day we get home and then I'll be labeled a bitch for not handing her over. We're not having visitors at the hospital to try to minimize this, but it's still something I'm worried about.

Sorry this was so long, I just feel so stressed about it all and needed to vent. Is anyone else feeling the same ways?