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I need some advice... and I'm sorry in advance if this is long.

I'm in some need of advice... a little back story...

Before my husband and I got married, we both agreed that we would always be faithful and honest to one another, no matter what. One thing that I had told him that means the most to me is, no porn. Before I dated my husband, I had told my ex that I don't like porn and if I caught him watching, I would leave and we would be done. Although I had caught him many a times, more than I'd like to admit, I stayed. And looking back at it now, I should have left way sooner. He was a horrible person and the porn didn't help. Anywho... In my eyes, and my beliefs, watching porn is cheating. The emotional downfall is hard enough, when you catch your significant other/spouse doing something like that, especially when you're in a committed and healthy sexual relationship. He did admit that when he was younger, a teenager, that he watched porn. I understood, and didn't judge him, because I know that guys will experiment with porn, and whatnot. Well, just like my ex, I had told my husband that if I discovered him watching porn, I would pack my bags and leave. I had been hurt before, and stayed long enough and I wasn't going to be hurt and drug through the mud again.

Let's fast forward to married life. We've been married for one year this September, and I'm currently 8 months pregnant.

About three months into our marriage, I saw that he had been watching porn... I was devastated. I felt as if I had just been slapped in the face. When I confronted him, he was embarrassed and upset. I told him how I felt, and in a calm manner said that if he needs help, it needs to happen so that this doesn't happen again. He said that I could check his phone everyday to check on him, and I denied because I don't want to be "that wife" who feels like she has too. I don't like being nosey, I want to be able to trust him.

Fast forward a few more months...

Things had been going great, and I no longer had the fear that he was doing something behind my back like previously. By this point I was about 5-6 months pregnant and we had gone into the city to shop for clothes. While there, he handed me his phone and asked that I google something. When I opened the Internet browser on the phone, what pops up? Porn. I didn't say anything because we were out in public and I was on the verge of tears. I decided since I had his phone, that I would look at his history. What hurt the most was that he had watched porn after I went to sleep the night before. All the emotions came foooding to me, but this time, the sadness wasn't as heavy as the rage and anger. When we got in the car I couldn't even look at him, and didn't want to say a word. When he caught on that something was wrong, he asked why my whole demeanor had changed. Looking back at it now, I regret how I handled it. But, I just let it all out. I'm not a mean person by any means, I rarely raise my voice. I was furious. What made it worse was that he had lied about doing it. When I pulled it up on his phone, is when he finally admitted it. Just like before, he said the same things..that he was embarrassed, upset, and sorry. That night I was still so mad, that I packed an overnight bag and stayed with a friend. After a multitude of calls and texts of apologies, the next morning, I returned home. I told him that if it happened again, I would leave for good.

Fast forward.

I'm now 8 months pregnant and we are in the process of purchasing our first home. Long story short, our closing date got pushed back two weeks and our lease at our apartment was up, so we just moved into my parents house for two weeks. I mean, we had to rent a storage unit for our stuff. We've been at my parents house for two days now. Things have been going good and we're both super excited for our baby girl to get here. Last night, just like before, he asked me to google something on his phone. I looked at the history, and the day before our one year wedding anniversary he had looked up porn, and "pornstar snapchat accounts". All the emotions can flooding back. But this time, I don't know what I'm more upset about. The fact that he's known I how feel about this since day one of dating, really before we started dating, and him continuously doing this, is breaking me, our marriage, and my trust in him. If you don't have trust, then you don't have love, and I do love my husband, I really do. It kills me that he's doing this. At the current moment, he doesn't know that I know about this.

I need advice... what do I do? I don't want to keep getting hurt by this, and I don't want to seem weak for not backing up what I say about leaving, either. I'm not going to stay with someone who says the don't do something, but continues to, behind my back for months on end, again. And I know that marriage is a lifelong commitment, and the last thing I want to do is leave him, but I can't take this again. Especially when he knows how I feel, the consequences, and with me being this pregnant.

What do I do?

And I'm sorry about how long this is.

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